Friday, March 8, 2013

The Goth Closet (as opposed to the Closet Goth)

You can take the goth out of the closet, but you can't take the closet out of the goth.  Fortunately, it's a lot easier to dress in your own style when you're a bit older, I think, because 1) you are more likely to know what you like and what you look best in, and 2) you are more likely to care less about what other people think.  It also helps if your work environment is not anal about dress.

For example, today was our quarterly "Townhall Meeting" at work, where those of us in administration get together to hear about what all the other admin departments are doing.  Boring and not particularly relevant most of the time, but mandatory unless your particular department has deadlines approaching and you can either convince your supervisor to approve your absence, or somehow manage to 'forget' about the meeting.  Anyway, I showed up dressed in black skinny pants and matching corset-laced jacket, a black t-shirt with a glowing white ribcage and spine on the front, flat zebra-striped Airwalks with pink dots on them, and my elegantly understated snake vertebrae earrings.  This is NOT even close to what anyone else in the room was wearing, but I sat at the same table as my conservatively dressed department director, and she didn't bat an eye.  Actually, she likes quite a few items in my wardrobe; my ankle-length Tripp bondage skirt is a favorite of hers! 

Unfortunately, I wasted my 20s, 30s and most of my 40s in corporate jobs wearing clothes that didn't really fit who I was.  Or maybe they did actually fit who I was at the time, because I had NO idea who I was!  As a result, I never really felt 'put together', and I had a ton of pieces in my closet that I liked but that didn't always match anything else.  Those that DID match something always got worn with the same thing, with very little variation.  Fortunately, I did occasionally listen to the little voices in my head (what, you don't hear them, too??) that said yes, buy that boring classic suit, but get it in tangerine instead of tan, and wear an awesome pin on the lapel, like that gold outline of an arching, hissing, bristle-furred cat with red eyes.  And fun t-shirts were safe, because I only wore those at home, anyway.  But I looked like 'everyone else', not like myself.  The only outlet my REAL self had was bellydancing.  I was a professional bellydancer for almost 20 years, and the costumes I made and bought were always influenced by what inspired ME, not by what I thought other people would like. 

Even after moving to my current job, I was still very hesitant about changing my (non)style.  I have this huge fear (no, it's genuine terror) of looking like an awful woman I saw in San Francisco in the 70s, when I was still a teen.  From the neck down she looked like a 20-year-old with a decent figure, dressed in a miniskirt and black knee boots, but she had the face of a 60+ woman, complete with white hair and saggy wrinkles.  Aaaccckkk!!!

Finally, after over ten years of being in my current, non-corporate job, I did a HUGE, MAJOR overhaul of my closet, and my motto became:  "If it doesn't BEG you to wear it, get rid of it."  I couldn't believe how much I got rid of, or how liberated I felt while doing it!  And when I was done, I had ROOM in my closet for everything I kept and more.  At that point, I was able to let my 'babybat' come out to play, under close supervision, of course!

I started by looking online and in stores and just finding out what I like.  I discovered that I really enjoy themed tops, i.e. those featuring bats, bones, skulls, whole or partial skeletons, Grim Reapers, quotes/sayings, and of course, band logos.  I also love wild shoes, especially those with patterns, platforms, buckles, and big heels, both chunky and stiletto, and patterned legwear of all kinds.  I don't have a specific style of goth that I wear all the time.  Some days I'm into t-shirts, pants and boots, some days I feel like tight skirts and heels, while other days I want to dress like Stevie Nicks. (Mmmmm, Stevie...)  And every once in a while I just want to look like the girl next door, only better. 

Today, I have a terrific assortment of pants, skirts, tops and shoes that I can mix and match, and not all of them are goth-themed or black, as there are days when I don't particularly WANT to look goth-themed or wear black.  Quite a few of them have come from thrift stores or through private sales on LiveJournal, Etsy, or GothAuction.com.  I am the proud owner of three pairs of vintage shoes; I don't know how I lived without my Mudd platform Maryjanes, my beat-up Anarchy buckled boots, and my Demonia 4-inch platforms!  (Although I still have to practice walking a bit more in those Demonias...)  One of my favorite shirts is black, with purple words on the front that say: "It's okay to be jealous, not everyone can be me." 

So, how did you choose/find YOUR style?  What begs you to wear it?  Give me all the gory details. 

10 comments:

  1. Wow, you seem so confident is wearing what you want whenever you want! Do you ever feel frightened of wearing a particular item of clothing for the first time in your workplace - when you can't always guess the reactions?

    I'm a firm believer in always dressing in clothes that you love. Though I'm still trying to find my own personal style (Oh, man it's such a long and hard journey!) it was great to hear a success story to be inspired by. :3

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    1. Hi! I'm still working on the confidence part, but it's getting a lot easier. Yes, I DO frequently get nervous about wearing something new to work, and go through the usual "Do I look stupid? Will people think I'm totally weird? Should I just wear something else instead?" junk. But the last time I wore a new item that I was hesitant about, at least three people told me they loved it! So perhaps 'mainstream' people are just more nervous than WE are about looking different and actually admire (or envy) us for being brave.

      I love your blog, BTW. In fact, it was your recent post on wardrobe overhauling that inspired part of THIS post! What you recommended doing really does work. Hehehe, sounds like we inspired each other! :-)

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  2. Yeees, I know the problem :}

    My wardrobe has a split personality, btw (a goth part, a theatrical-elfish-fantasy part, and the most "normal" of them, a modern, rock-ish but still toned down part).

    Anyway, when I'm buying clothes, the main question I hear inside is: AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR THAT? I mean sometimes I really love clothes I wouldn't wear on a normal day, because I am worrying what other people would think ;/ So mainly I choose more toned down gothic clothes because I don't want to be considered a total freak (being a freak is OK, but I just want to be taken seriously).
    BTW, my boyfriend has a great point of view on this problem: "Do you like it? So just don't care and wear it."

    About the job-now I am doing a practice in an open psychiatric/psychosomatic station for children and youth. I really want to dye part of my hair green for example, or wear totally goth outfits to work, but I'm scared of what the parents of our patients would think (I think the patients wouldn't mind ;]). I don't want to scare them or something, their kids have just enough problems, and I don't want them (the parents) to think that I would, for example, make their kids even more problematic.
    Some of them could think I'm just creative and original, but some of them... you know the goth stereotypes .

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    1. Wow, I'd love to be let loose in your closet some time, your wardrobe sounds awesome!!

      I have that same question in my mind when I want to buy certain things (like those Demonia shoes I mentioned). Fortunately my husband sounds a lot like your boyfriend, so he encourages me to get what makes me happy and THEN figure out where to wear it. :-)

      I can see your problem jobwise. Stereotypes, blah blah yuck. Green hair and goth clothes might very well make the kids feel more okay with their own differences, but their parents might not see it that way. As a parent myself, I can see both sides, unfortunately, although I certainly don't agree with judging a book by its cover. I've read lots of fantastic books with really weird or awful covers... With regard to hair, have you thought about getting a wig, either for work or to dye green? I've seen some pretty nice ones for reasonable prices. That way, you could have the best of both worlds.

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  3. Love this post!!! Your description of your outfit sounds so nice, I wish you could attach a photo of it or another sometime.
    Jeez this post is so inspiring! I need an overhaul myself. My closet is brimfull with tiny vintage dresses that I'm no longer able to wear because of speed weight gain (insert ugly curse). I have to rethink and think. I can look good even if I'm fat.

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    1. Thank you! :-) I don't have a cell phone or a digital camera, so no pics for now, but possibly in the future when my son brings his phone home!

      From the pics I've seen of you in your blog, you DO look good, no matter what your weight is at the moment. Don't get rid of any dresses you REALLY love, especially if your weight is still changing -- maybe get rid of just the ones you don't care that much about, or put them in storage until you decide what you really want to keep. I did that with some things of mine until I KNEW I was ready to give them up. You might lose the weight just as fast as you gained it, and then you'd be sorry if you got rid of your dresses that you wanted to keep.

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  4. This is such an inspiration! I'm quite scared to wear whatever I like to school/my internship, because I work with people and want to look approachable, but as I've read this I'm thinking whether I could also look approachable whilst still staying close to who I am and what I like. I often feel like someone else when I'm at school or at my internship and that's not a very great feeling to be honest.

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    1. I'm so glad it inspired you. :-) I know that feeling, and no, it's NOT great. Since you work with the public, I can understand the hesitation, though. I did that also for several years before getting my current job. The way I started was to wear just one or two 'goth' things at a time, like a shirt with skeletons on it, or skull earrings and a necklace, and see if/how people reacted. When the sky didn't fall, I started wearing entire outfits. While you may or may not choose to go 'all the way' like that, give some bits and pieces a try, and see how things go. You might be surprised at the compliments you get!

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  5. Your story is so inspiring!
    Basically in my twenties I was more or less a romantigoth, except with bright hair. But then I got ill and am now on a medication that made me gain 40kg in a few months, so I had a long spell of basically wearing anything I could find that was big enough. Now I'm trying to reclaim my apparence, it's not easy with all that weight.

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad! And I'm SO sorry that happened to you with the medication. I know another person who has a similar problem, and it's just not fair. I actually started 'coming out of the goth closet' when I was almost 40 pounds heavier than I am now; it was scary wearing tighter clothes, but I kept reminding myself that black is slimming! I think it's wonderful that you are taking your Self back! If you still love the romantigoth style, I'm sure you can continue wearing it, you just may have to get creative while either working to lose the weight or working with the way you look now; some of those romantic styles are flowing rather than fitted, and they're gorgeous on all size figures. Good luck, I believe you can and will reclaim your Self!

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