Why knowing the reasons doesn’t always make everything okay

After reading several friends’ posts, and watching/reading about current events in the world, I’ve been thinking a lot about certain phrases that many people tend to use when others discuss their problems or talk about a current crisis.  And I’ve decided that, in my opinion, the absolute worst one of these is: “Everything happens for a reason”, sometimes accompanied by “we just don’t know what it is”.  The direct implication behind this statement is that what happened wasn’t some random chance of fate or the result of hatred of the person(s) by the gods.  Okay, nothing wrong with that; it frequently IS comforting to be told that we’re not so insignificant that the universe doesn’t notice or care what happens to us.  However, the indirect implication is that, if we knew/understood the reason for something terrible happening, it wouldn’t be so terrible.  And those who tack on a further comment about karma or how “what goes around comes around” are also implying that at least some fault may lie with the victim(s).

Is it true that everything happens for a reason?  YES, absolutely!  Everything does happen for at least one reason, perhaps more than one. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the people it happens to did something to deserve it.  For example, the earthquake in Japan in 2011 happened because the several continental and oceanic plates that Japan sits on shifted.  The accompanying tsunami happened because the movements of that earthquake caused a specific type of movement of the water.  Their nuclear plants then had problems because the built-in protections that had held up against the earthquake weren’t strong enough to hold up against the tsunami as well.  These things each happened for one or more reasons, and we know what those reasons were. 

But please tell me, how exactly did knowing the reasons make things any less terrible for the Japanese?  Their homes were still damaged or destroyed, their friends and family members were still dead or missing, their communities were still demolished, their jobs were still gone or in jeopardy, their financial situations were still precarious, and they were still desperate for shelter, water and food.  How is it that knowing why these disasters happened is supposed to make it somehow less difficult to bear?  And while some of the fault, at least with regard to the nuclear plants, MAY have been the result of poor planning/ignorance/whatever on the part of various organizations, why should thousands of people who had nothing to do with that feel better knowing they are suffering for someone else's bad karma points?

I hope someone explained it to them so that they felt better about the whole thing.  

There are people who spout out the same useless and unfeeling platitudes when someone they know tells them they have cancer, or an inoperable tumor, or Parkinson's disease, or some other life-altering thing that can't be fixed.  Maybe they don't know what else to say, or maybe they truly believe it themselves.  But somehow, I don't think it would comfort them much if it was said to them in their time of need. 

PLEASE think twice before telling someone that their suffering is happening for a reason, and that they just don't know what it is.  It's not only condescending, it's judgmental and cruel, even if you don’t mean it that way.  Instead, try a nod and sympathetic silence, or maybe (even better) “I’m so sorry this is happening”, and give them a gentle hand squeeze or a hug.  Chances are you'll make their burden a little easier to deal with, knowing they are not alone, and that someone really cares.

Egyptian Mummy with Tattoos

I recently ran across this article, and was fascinated.  Wish they had more pictures!!

Egyptian Mummy with tattoos


 

Less Adulting, More Kidding

I found a link to this article in one of my groups on LinkedIn, and felt it was something Important (yes, with a capital 'I') to share with you:

"Adulting": Because Being a Grownup Should Only Be a Temporary Affliction

I LOVE this article!  It really speaks to the way I've felt ever since I realized how horribly OLD I had become while taking care of my mom for the last couple of years.  I never had time for fun anymore, and I was too tired to care when I did have a few minutes to spare.  Hell, I didn't remember what fun WAS after a while, and my son was all grown up so I didn't have him as an example anymore (one of those Millennials she was talking about).  So now I'm looking forward to less "adulting" and more "kidding" (oh, the places I could go with THAT, hehehe)!!

Now, to go home early from work and pull out my Monster High dolls...  :-)


Wanna come over and play?? 

Power and Darkness: or, The Difference Between Sheep and Wolves

"A sheep without its shepherd is lost; a wolf without its pack can survive."

(John J. Coghlin, Out of the Shadows)

It's interesting, isn't it, to see sheep mentioned in the same title with power and darkness.  Other than the term 'black sheep', which usually refers to someone who embarrasses their family by appearing odd or disreputable in some way, we almost never think of sheep as being anything but helpless, stupid, and always in a group, dependent on others to guide them.  I've talked before about being a 'shiny black sheep', and how it's actually a good thing. 

And yet, any group of people who feel angry, frightened or threatened in some way can become a dangerous mob of sheep, turning from prey into inadvertent predators in an extremely short time.  Think of the townspeople in Frankenstein, a stampede to exit a burning building, or a riot in any country.  This can occur whether or not there is a leader; sometimes it's the leader who incites the action, while at other times the leader gets left behind or even killed if s/he tries to calm things down.  A mob of sheep is mindless, running entirely on the instinct of "fight or flight", and the voice of reason frequently goes unheard because no one is capable of listening.

Ironically, the term 'lone wolf' also has negative connotations, since wolves normally live in packs with a definite hierarchy.  A lone wolf is usually someone who is very introverted and/or antisocial, preferring to live and spend most of their time alone instead of with a group.  Most of them are perfectly harmless, and are often very good people.  However, because they act differently from what is expected of wolves, they are often looked upon with suspicion by everyone, sheep and fellow wolves alike.

When you look closely at these two seeming opposites -- the black sheep and the lone wolf -- you find they have many things in common.  Both are mavericks who will not or cannot accept the hierarchy or rules of the group, choosing instead to follow the beat of their own drum.   

In fact, they are almost the same. 

When I read Coghlin's quote (at the very top of this post), it really resonated with me. I've been more or less of a lone wolf for a good portion of my life.  As a child and young adult, I tried being a sheep because that was what I was supposed to be, but the skin just didn't fit me properly, and I probably looked and sounded a lot like a wolf version of the sheep in the cartoon below.  Then I went through a period of trying to be a pack wolf, but but that didn't fit me, either, and it was obvious.  It wasn't until I "found myself" a few years ago (to use an old 1970's saying), that I realized I was a shiny black sheep all along.  And that skin fits me "just right", like the smallest chair, bowl and bed in the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. I am content.  Life is good.

 

So what about the power and the darkness?  The way I see it, the power belongs to those who think for themselves.  That would be the shiny black sheep and the lone wolves.  Pack wolves also have some power, because they choose to work as a team, and although they usually follow the rules of the hierarchy, they will argue with each other if they feel the need to do so.  However, their individual power is less because they usually do follow the hierarchy to avoid being turned out of the pack.

But the darkness truly belongs to the sheep.  Because a LONE sheep really is lost.  Without someone -- anyone -- to follow, a non-black sheep has no idea what to do or where to go, and is in serious danger of being devoured by any predator that comes along.  So the first order of business for a lone sheep is to find a flock.  Whether it's a club, a religion, a gang or a cause doesn't matter; it's having a flock to identify with that's important.  And if that flock ends up taking a header off a cliff some dark night, well, at least they went together.

So whether you identify as a shiny black sheep or a lone wolf, just remember:

 

I think the power is worth it, don't you?

Medusa: Eyes of Stone

Here is a poem I wrote back in 2010, when I was studying and working with Medusa as a matron goddess.  I've always seen Her as a guardian and avenger of abused and threatened women.  It goes well as a precursor to my short story, although it won't be published with it.  So you get an exclusive here...  Hope you like it!


Eyes of Stone

You look at me with
Your eyes of stone
But I stare back at you
And still breathe

Don't try to petrify me
With your gaze, honey
It won't work on me
We have the same wounds
The same anger

The same eyes

It probably wasn't your fault
He came after you
Any more than it was mine
But who believes us?
Obviously we asked for it
Or it wouldn't have happened

After all
It's not like they have any self-control
You can't expect them to take
No for an answer

Yeah, I don't believe that
Any more than you do

Got any extra snakes?

Save the Original Monster High Ghouls!!!

I just read this post on Little Corp Goth Girl's blog that made me FURIOUS.  Mattel is "redoing" the Monster High dolls in 2016 to look more like cheerleaders!!  This is gross and wrong, in my not-so-humble opinion.  The appeal of the Monster High characters is that they are themselves, totally unique, NOT cookie cutters of what we are told we should be, and their darkness is celebrated.  The picture of the "new" Draculaura just made me want to gag.

Please check out Sylvie's post, and I hope you'll decide to sign the petition asking Mattel not to discontinue the original dolls.  (The link is in the post.)

Save the ghouls of Monster High!!!

Morticia Addams, My (Second) Favorite Feminist

Here's a rather fun article about Morticia Addams that you might enjoy:

Six Quotes That Prove Morticia Addams is a Feminist Queen  Who Has It All

I did love Anjelica Huston as Morticia in the Addams Family movies.  However, Carolyn Jones, who played her in the TV series, will always be MY favorite!!





Of course, you DO know that my Number One favorite feminist is Abby Scutio!  ;-)

"Wow, What a Ride!": The Euthanasia Coaster

Have you heard about this idea for a unique form of assisted suicide?  (I consider it to be "assisted" because obviously one couldn't create one's own personal coaster in the backyard):

Roller Coaster of Death

I'm of two minds about this one.  I think it's a wonderful and unique idea for those who love roller coasters and who want to enjoy one last "wild ride" before moving on.  But I can foresee some HUGE problems for whoever runs it, including insurance issues, anti-euthanasia protestors, family members wanting to sue, etc.  And what about price?  Would this be made available to people of all incomes, or only those who can afford to spend a lot of money?  Then, after it's all over, who takes care of the body?  And most important of all, what if it doesn't cause death by the end of the ride, what then??  So many things to think about in advance!

This got me to wondering what other kinds of options could be made available.  I can't think of any, but what about you?  Do you have an idea for an awesome way to go?

When are We "Too Old" to be Goth?

NEVER.  That's when.

Oh, please...  Did you REALLY think I'd agree with this?  I certainly hope not!  But WHY is it that so many people think that goth is just a "phase" some of us go through, like teen angst, menopause, or a midlife crisis, instead of seeing it as a lifestyle choice?  Maybe it's because so many of us seem to disappear as we get older, as we 'assimilate' into the boring mundane world because we feel that we have to choose between being ourselves and paying the rent.  It's an understandable reason, maybe, but it just should not have to be a choice between a rock and a hard place.

 In spite of that silly photo I posted in my March "I'm SO Goth...", I really do believe that one can be goth at any age.  But while most ElderGoths are only just starting the approach to that age at which we can no longer stave off the word "old", many of us are already nervous about it.  How should we dress? What style of makeup is best and won't make us look even older than we are?  And what about shoes?  Would somebody think of the shoes!!!

I've said before that once I reach 60, I plan to be dressing like a combination of Stevie Nicks and Morticia Addams.  Here are some pictures that I find extremely inspirational:

 I'd ditch the big bag she's holding (unless, of course, it's actually a suitcase!), and substitute a coffin bag instead.  (I wonder if those boots have orthopedic inserts???)



A bit too much jewelry for me, but I wouldn't wear that much NOW, either.  It's a great look, though!



50 shades of AWESOME!!!


  

50 shades of ELEGANT!!  (These ladies make Cruella DeVille's outfit look like a Goodwill castoff.)




Two goths contemplating the site of their eventual eternal rest...

Are We Becoming Eco-Jerks?

I have four living first cousins, but the only one I have any contact with is in prison.  He has been there for years and will probably be there for the rest of his life.  While I don't condone his reason for being there, he is still family, and he has contact with very few people on the outside, including most of our family.  He is also the only one of my cousins who corresponds with my mom on a regular basis, so he is definitely in my good books there. 

Recently, we discovered a mutual interest in Norse myths and history, and I remembered reading a book while I was in grad school that I thought he might enjoy.  Since he hasn't read it, I ordered a copy from a book store through Alibris.com.  Per prison regulations, I notified the seller that the book HAD to have a receipt/packing slip enclosed or they would not accept it.  They responded that they do not provide those because they are an 'eco-friendly' business, and if I wanted one I should print one out myself.  I replied and explained (again) that it HAD to be enclosed by the book store due to federal prison regulations, and that if they could not accommodate my request would they please cancel my order.  And they actually did cancel the order. The second book store I contacted also refused to include a packing slip; they didn't give a reason, but I assume it's the same.  I'm waiting now for a reply from Bookstore Number Three.

While I definitely do renew, reuse, and recycle whenever possible, including bringing my own bags to stores so they can 'save a plastic tree', I don't understand a mindset that is quite as rigid as these bookstores' owners apparently are.  I find it hard to believe that they would rather cancel an order and lose a customer than print a single piece of paper to comply with a federal regulation.

Am I wrong here?  Must we be so obsessed with doing what we consider to be "the right thing" that we can make absolutely NO exceptions?  I want to be eco-friendly, but I don't want to become an eco-jerk. 

My New Gothic/Shadow Sabbats

One of the difficult things about being a pagan goth, at least for me, is celebrating the Sabbats in the traditional manner.  I have no problem with late summer and fall harvest festivals, like Lammas (aka Lughnassagh),  the Autumn Equinox (Mabon), or Samhain/Hallowe'en, or with deep winter celebrations like the Winter Solstice (Yule).  But somehow, I just cannot get excited about rituals involving standing out in the sun for any period of time, let alone being HAPPY about it!  So Sabbats such as Imbolc/Candlemas, the Spring Equinox (Ostara), Beltane/May Day, and especially the Summer Solstice (Litha) can be a real problem for me.  However, I have found a few "darker" ways to get around this dilemma.

Frankly, a couple of these Sabbats have absolutely NO meaning for me.  Beltane (May Day) was originally a fertility festival, which is fine if you are trying to have children, grow crops or a garden, raise animals, or "birth" something in your life.  And although I've always enjoyed rituals for Lammas, the August festival of "first fruits", again, there isn't any real meaning for that in my life.  So I decided to remove these from my calendar entirely, unless and until I can find some good reason to celebrate them.  However, I added the Mexican Days of the Dead in November ("Dias de los Muertos") because four days of celebrating and honoring the dead just seem SO appropriate, especially right after Samhain!

I have already replaced Imbolc with the Celebration of the Eternal Maidens/Youths I described in my previous post. Here is my projected list of 'new and improved' Sabbats:

February 1 or 2: Imbolc  "Celebration of the Eternal Maidens/Youths"

March/April:  Ostara (Spring Equinox)  "Celebration of Coming Forth by Day"

June:  Litha  "Welcoming the Waning Year"  (the day after the Summer Solstice)

September:  Mabon (Autumn Equinox)  "Into the Darkness"

October 31: Samhain/Hallowe'en  "Final Harvest: Honoring the Dead"
                    (similar to Samhain and Hallowe'en combined)

November 1-3:  "Days of the Dead  (Dias de los Muertos)"

December: Yule  "Winter Solstice: Night of Shadows"

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "coming forth by day", the generic name of the so-called Egyptian Books of the Dead was "The Book of Going Forth by Day".  They were individual collections of various prayers, formulas, spells and information written for the dead to help them get past all the dangers of the Underworld so they could reach the Hall of Judgment in safety, and then telling them what declarations to make to the gods so they would hopefully be admitted into their version of the Afterlife. Each "book" (which might be written on papyrus scrolls, on the inside of the coffin, or even on the tomb walls) was specifically geared toward the individual who purchased it, so they are all somewhat different.  In creating this particular celebration (which is still a work in progress), I changed the word 'going' to 'coming' because I am building it around the idea of the dead 'coming' to us instead of us 'going' to them.  Well, it makes sense to ME, anyway...

So, what holidays do YOU really celebrate, and how do you celebrate them? 

Have a Very Batty Christmas!

Yes, I'm greedy...  GothGardening is having another contest, and I want to win!!  But really, that's just an excuse to write about one of my favorite things... BATS!

Even before I discovered the goth subculture, I've loved bats.  When I took my son, who was four at the time, to a Cub Scout weekend camp, there was a bat under the door flap of our tent, and when I opened the flap I accidentally flipped it inside.  Instead of screaming and/or running, I called to him, "Hey, Stuart, come quick, we've got a BAT in our tent!"  But it flew out before he could get there, so all he saw was this little black streak zipping away through the air.  Bummer, dude...  All the other kids around us thought it was cool, though.  :-)

Bats are not only CUTE, they're also ecologically awesome!  Did you know that:

~A single brown bat can catch around 1,200 mosquito-size insects in one hour; a small colony can eat over 6 million bugs in a year.

~An anticoagulant found in vampire bat saliva may soon be used to treat human cardiac patients. 

~Some seeds will not sprout unless they have passed through the digestive tracts of a bat. Additionally, bats spread millions of seeds every year from the ripe fruit they eat. Approximately 95% of the reforestation of the tropical rainforest is a result of seed dispersal from bats. 

~Bat dropping is called guano and is an important fertilizer in many tropical regions because of its high levels of phosphorus and nitrogen.  During the Civil War, U.S. soldiers used bat guano to make gunpowder.   

~In China and Japan, bats are symbols of happiness. In Chinese, the words for “bat” and “good fortune” are both pronounced “fu.” 

 

~Bats make up a quarter of all mammals; there are over 1,100 species of bats in the world. 

BUT...

~More than 50 percent of bat species in the United States are either in severe decline or are listed as endangered.  

So you see, it's important to keep our bats happy and healthy!  We don't realize how much we need them.

Finally, here is a pic of the holiday cards I sent out to all my goth friends this year.  I actually bought them LAST year on Christmas Day, just to make sure I had them!

 

This card is currently available at Elipsis Design on Etsy.  Check it out, along with all the other awesome small businesses on Etsy!

And although it's a bit early yet, have a Very Batty Christmas, everyone!

Coming Out of the Socially Inadequate Closet

One of the problems I've always had is not feeling socially adequate.  Oh, I learned to fake it pretty good, but I have serious anxiety issues whenever agreeing to attend any kind of social function, even where I know (and like) more than one person there.  The most recent of these events was last night, when I attended a friend's birthday celebration with my husband, at her house.  After RSVPing "Yes" last month, I began agonizing about it a week ago, trying to decide if I could get away with telling her I was feeling sick, or something unexpected came up, or my nine cats all died at once... you get the idea.   I felt totally stupid and ridiculous, but I could NOT get around the terror.  Finally, I looked up her invitation on FB, where I was able to see who she had invited, who had accepted, and who might come but wasn't sure.  I found that I knew several people who were coming, and it was a smaller group than I had expected.  I was able to calm myself down to the point where I could relax and look forward to it.  But yesterday... again... the anxiety began screaming through my head.  I told Martin that we would go at least as far as Party City, where I had to return something, and then we would decide if we went from there to the party or home. 

We ended up deciding to go celebrate my friend's birthday with her, even if it was only for a half-hour.  As soon as we parked and turned off the engine, I was FINE.  We ended up staying for a little over an hour, and I did enjoy myself.  It did help that most of her friends that I meet are pretty nice and laid back, and since we are both organizers in our meetup group, we know quite a few of the same people.  My other friends also showed up, and it was great seeing them again.

WHY does this happen??  Why do some people have no problem at all being sociable with strangers at any type of event, while others would rather be run over and stomped on by a herd of stampeding wildebeest than go to a party for someone they know?  And just as important, HOW can we overcome this seemingly ridiculous problem?  I say 'seemingly' because there is absolutely nothing ridiculous or funny about it when you are feeling that way; it's demeaning and demoralizing, but never amusing.

(I'm an anthropologist, so you'd think I would know these things, but nooooo...)

So, how do YOU deal with this problem?  And if you're one of those people who has no trouble socializing... Share your secrets!!  Why are YOU so lucky?????     ;-)

Dancing in the Rain

It's that time of year again, when I want to crawl into my den and hibernate through the rest of the year.  But at the same time, I find I am craving company as well. Very strange, and difficult to balance well.

But, on a positive note, it's RAINING!!!  And Martin was sweet enough to call me at work and let me know, so that I could take a break from my windowless office space and go out and dance in the rain without an umbrella, which I did...  :-)




 

When You Don't See Me

 

"I don't exist when you don't see me

I don't exist when you're not here

What the eye don't see won't break the heart  

You can make believe when we're apart

But when you leave I disappear

When you don't see me."

One of my favorite songs is The Sisters of Mercy's 'When You Don't See Me'.  If I had heard it when I was a teen, it would have probably been my theme song.

I have been having an e-mail discussion with one of my goth friends about what is basically "social anxiety", in which we both confessed to having horrible anxiety after committing to attending something like a meetup, club or other public event, and we waffle back and forth right up until the last minute about whether to go or not.  What shocked me about this is that she is the last person I would have thought would have this problem; she is extremely friendly and outgoing, but she told me that she has to "warm up" to someone before she is really comfortable with them.  We are so alike in this respect that it's not funny.

I've always been pretty much of a loner.  As an only child, I grew up with a few other kids on the block to play with occasionally, but mostly I was on my own.  Being a year younger than the other kids in my grade, I spent my elementary school years mostly on the outside of the social circles.  I always had at least one real friend (versus just acquaintances) each year, but I spent the 3rd, 4th and 5th grades in three different schools, so I had to make ALL new acquaintances/friends in both 4th and 5th grades.  I always felt out of sync with everyone else, and buried myself in books that surrounded me with imaginary people whom I felt more comfortable with than I did with real ones.  When I wasn't with my own friends, I actually did feel invisible.

I lucked out in 7th grade, when I met the three other girls who would be my cronies all the way through high school.  But that ended at graduation, when three of us went to college in three different cities, and the fourth disappeared into oblivion.  After two years of college (where I found a boyfriend but no regular friends), I got my AA degree and went to work, which further distanced me from my two other friends, who were still getting their bachelor's degrees and living on campus.  All the women I worked with were much older (I was only 19) and either married or divorced, so even work wasn't a place where I met people I could relate to. 

After high school, I didn't have a circle of friends, or even a best friend, until I started taking belly dance classes.  That's also when I discovered my alter ego, "Lucresha the Bellydancer".  When I was in costume, I was a totally different person.  A few years later, I discovered my second alter ego, "Lucretia the Mary Kay Rep".  They kept me going through my 20s, 30s and into my 40s, until I stopped dancing professionally because I no longer had a group to dance with or a place to teach or practice, and became too busy with school and work and my new marriage to keep selling Mary Kay.  Eventually my MK and dance friends drifted away, and there was no one at work or school whom I really connected with on a personal level.  While we did belong to a couple of Renaissance Faire group and went to faires regularly, I frequently felt invisible there as well, especially after the faire closed for the day and we were all ourselves again for the evening.

This may sound somewhat like a sob story, but it really isn't.  I honestly have never felt a need for lots of friends, but I did get tired of having almost no one to talk to except my husband and son. However, I also realized that most of the friends I'd had over the years were only friends because we happened to be doing the same things at the same time in the same place; we weren't friends because we actually connected with each other in a personal way (except for Debbie, who is still a friend today).  When you REALLY need to talk to someone at 2am, it's nice to know there's someone who actually won't mind if you call.

I have made quite a few pagan friends in an online group I've been part of for years, but the problem there is distance.  None of us live in the same state, and two live in other countries!  It's hard to be close to someone when you never actually see them, and when most of your conversations are group-oriented, anyway.

When I joined the goth meetup group, this changed considerably.  I actually connected closely with three different people almost at once.  I was a bit leery at first about throwing myself wholeheartedly into it, just in case it didn't last, but that hasn't happened. Now I feel like I have real friends who understand me and are okay with my weirdness.  I still need my space, but that's not ALL I have anymore. And while I still feel invisible in certain places and with certain people, it's not as bad as it used to be, and it doesn't bother me nearly as much.  

Have you ever felt invisible?  How did/do you deal with it?

Being a Ghost

Have you ever felt like a ghost?  Like you were there but not there, sort of "out of phase" with everyone around you?  That's what I feel like today.  Whether I'm sitting at my desk or walking down the hall or stairs here at work, I have the sense that no one else really sees me, and that they would just walk right through me if they got close enough.  Even when someone talks to me, I have the sense that as soon as we stop speaking I'm not really quite visible to them anymore.

It's a very odd feeling to have.

Pretty in BLACK

I just found this most awesome picture!!!  I adore flamingos, so finding a pic of a rare BLACK flamingo was a real treat:


This photograph, taken by Don Presser of Carmel, shows what could be the world's only "documented" black flamingo, in a salt pond in Eilat, Israel. Other photos have been taken in the Middle East of what is believed to be the same bird. (DAN PRESSER/Contributed photo)

Isn't it gorgeous????  I hope there are more out there somewhere!!

Silly Post: If Vampires Ruled the World (or Why We Need More Dark Shadows)

This morphed from a rather silly post I began while feeling crabby into something a bit more philosophical (yet campy) than I had expected.

When I was in the second grade, my mom was working full-time, so I had to go to what's now called daycare after school.  The lady I stayed with was older (she had two adult children who no longer lived at home), her husband was at work all day, and I was the only child she looked after, so it was just me, Mrs. Gilbert, and her whippet, Rainey.  Mrs. Gilbert enjoyed watching soap operas, so of course I watched them, too, and one of the ones that was on when I got there after school was Dark Shadows. 

Now, if you've ever seen the original series, you know that it was NOT a child-friendly show.  In fact, while it was probably rather cheesy for many adults, it was pretty scary for a six-year-old with a very active imagination.  But at the same time, it totally fascinated me, so much so that it was the only show I bought bubblegum cards for (until Star Wars, of course).  Yes, they actually had bubblegum cards for a spooky soap opera!  I didn't even like bubblegum; I threw the gum away or gave it to my friends, and kept the cards.

Dark Shadows was the show that taught me all about vampires, werewolves, ghosts and zombies, and what to do if you were menaced by them (who needs The Discovery Channel when you've got THIS??).  And the vampire, Barnabas Collins (see below), became basically the hero of the story once he appeared in it, a vampire with a heart, not to mention fangs.  I had the great fortune to discover that most of the original episodes are on YouTube, so now I'm watching one every day at work (I'm up to Episode 89), and loving every terribly cheesy minute!

 

Now for the silly part of this post...

If Vampires Ruled the World:

1. There would be no more daytrading.  (Sorry, I just had to say that.)

2. We humans wouldn't want any more hierarchies, because the higher up you are on the totem pole, the more likely you are to be bitten next.

3. We wouldn't want to let the sun go down on our anger, as we might not get another chance to say we're sorry before it rose again.

4. No one would agree to stay in a dead-end job, because it COULD be forever (not to mention the "dead" part).

5. We'd realize how silly stroking one's ego really is; prey doesn't have an ego.

6. Makeup and mirror companies would probably go out of business (because one can't put makeup on without a mirror, and what vampire would want one of those around?).


And finally, click here for the shortest, funniest "horror" movie I've ever seen...  ;-)
 

My Gothic Office

It's that time of year again, and I have had put up my Halloween decor at work since October 1st.  Here are a few pics of my new office space "dressed" for the season.  Sorry I'm posting this AFTER Halloween, but I just got the film back from the developer:

Starting on the left, this is the top of my file drawers.  The second pic has a few tombstones added to the lovely cemetery where the witches are doing their yearly laundry.  The two buildings on either side of the witches are mausoleums:

Moving to the right, we have the beginning of my actual workspace, complete with creepy cats hiding in the plants, and a grinning bat swooping down from my jewel orchid:

In the corner to the right of that is my permanent "shrine" area, which has the Skeletal Scarlett O'Hara drawing framed by two dragon candlesticks, some plastic skeleton hands in the offering dish before it, my resin skull to the left, and my Egyptian deities to the right:

Above all this (and also over my computer) looms the Wild Rumpus, a troll vampire, and two versions of The Grim Reaper, who actually live there year round:

Think I had enough "Halloween spirit" in my office this year???  Now, let's see how long it will stay up before someone notices it's still there!  ;-)

I've Always Wanted to be a Superhero

Before we start, check out this YouTube video featuring the song 'Malice' by Diary of Dreams.  Be sure to watch as well as listen.  (I have never played The Witcher, but some of you may recognize it.)  One of my favorite lines in the song is, "It makes no sense to hide from what you are."  So why do we??  Because we're usually told that these kind of things are "all in your imagination", that monsters and magic really don't exist, and that nobody really has special powers.  Really...

Here is a quote from the book of stories that The Witcher is based on.  Geralt, the speaker, is the Witcher himself, so you would figure he knows what he's talking about:

"People," Geralt turned his head, "like to invent monsters and monstrosities. Then they seem less monstrous themselves. When they get blind-drunk, cheat, steal, beat their wives, starve an old woman, when they kill a trapped fox with an axe or riddle the last existing unicorn with arrows, they like to think that the Bane entering cottages at daybreak is more monstrous than they are. They feel better then. They find it easier to live."

This post isn't about Diary of Dreams or about The Witcher, although the video above inspired it.  Instead, this post is about imagination, computer games, and why I've always wanted to be a fantasy superhero but didn't think it was possible.  Until now.

I grew up reading books and watching cartoons, TV shows, and movies in the 1960s and 1970s, when ALL the superheros were guys.  Oh, there was Batgirl, but even though she was pretty kickass, she was really only one of Batman's occasional side-sidekicks, so you didn't get to see her all that often, plus she frequently "needed help" from Batman and Robin.  And there was the 18-year-old detective, Nancy Drew, who was my absolute top literary mystery hero(ine) of all time.  There might have been one or two others, but basically back then the closest that girls ever got to superheros was when they were being saved by one.  When playing either with friends or by myself, if I was a 'good guy' I always felt like my character was male, while if I was a 'bad guy' I could be (and usually was) a girl.  (I'm not ignoring Wonder Woman, but I didn't read comics so I didn't know she existed until Lynda Carter brought her to TV in 1975, and by then I was too busy trying to attract male attention in a different way; the LAST thing I wanted to be identified with was an Amazon!)  

Fast forward to married life/motherhood in the early 1990s, when computers and computer games were popular enough that even I got interested in them.  One year for Christmas, my then-spouse (who was a hardware engineer and actually HAD a computer at home) gave me Wolfenstein 3-D and Quest for Glory 4: Shadows of Darkness.  Once I figured out how to work the mouse and the keyboard, I was hooked.  I later progressed to Doom and Duke Nukem (the original 2-D versions), the rest of the Quest for Glory series, and several other games whose names I can't remember now.  Long after my guys were in bed, I'd be sitting in front of the computer fighting Nazis, demons and monsters, discovering treasure, solving riddles, and saving the world (or some portion of it) from utter annihilation.  And it felt REALLY GOOD to be the hero and do that stuff, whether I was using magic or a sword.  But my character, whether I could see it on-screen or not, was always... a guy.

Since then, female characters have become a regular option in most games, and I've even known some men who enjoy being female characters once in a while.  But I've never been one myself, and I'm honestly not sure I'd enjoy it.  We've often heard that everyone has a masculine side and a feminine side, and I feel like that is true, at least for me.  There is a part of me that is very aggressive and risk-taking, and that part definitely feels male (and frequently non-human).  The combination of the above-linked music and video with this side of me feels very powerful and exciting, and I'd honestly like to be able to explore it in real life.  Sounds weird to you?  I'm sure it does.  But then, so am I.

It's been said that one of the positive things about the goth subculture is being able to explore nontraditional aspects of one's Self, such as men wearing makeup and skirts, and women being more aggressive and outgoing, without the usual fear of rudeness and/or attack from those who are uncomfortable with such things.  LARP (Live Action Role Playing) has apparently become fairly common even in goth circles.  This last one sounds an awful lot like the games I used to play as a kid, only with costumes!  And it also sounds like the computer games I played as an adult.  But life isn't a game, and these things aren't real... are they?

No, they're not, in and of themselves.  But there really ARE monsters and demons in real life; they just look rather different from the ones on movie and computer screens.  You know what/who they are, because you've seen them in the news, and possibly even up close and personal.  Some of them are the thieves, drug runners, kidnappers and murderers we all expect.  But some of them are more unexpected.  They're the genetically engineered food plants and animals mixed in with the naturally grown ones we buy in our supermarkets.  They're the hypocrites who want to take away everyone else's right to privacy in our mail, our phone conversations, and our sex lives.  They're the people who try to control us by telling us how to think, how to dress, how to vote, and what god(s) to pray to. And, as Geralt said so eloquently, they do this so they can make us believe that someone or something else is the monster, not them.

So here's the thing:  We really CAN defeat the monsters that exist in our lives, and we can do it without special powers, AND without becoming monsters ourselves, as long as we don't hide from what we are.  Which means that girls can be superheroes, just like boys.  We don't always have to be the saved, we can be the saviors, too.

A final note:  I did a little research and found a book called The Last Wish by Andrzej Sapkowski, one of Poland's most famous and successful authors.  Originally published in 1948, it's an English translation of several short stories put together to create a novel, and was the inspiration for the video game, The Witcher.  I bought a copy of the book recently, and I couldn't put it down until I'd finished it.  VERY gothic in style, and it has several subtle twists; if you like Grimm's fairy tales, you'll love this book... provided you're open to a slightly different view of some of the 'heroes' and 'monsters' you grew up with...