Back in the World of the Living

Yes, it has been quite a while since I've posted.  I really didn't have much to say in March; I was too busy with work, my museum class, burying my mom, and grieving.  Not to mention saying goodbye to an old friend and welcoming a new one.  Yes... we have a new car!!

Our van's registration expired at the end of February and I've had the paperwork since December, but due to my mom's decline and death, I kept forgetting about it.  Finally, I got the smog check done, only to find out she had failed one section.  Instead of pouring more money into a 20-year-old vehicle on its last legs anyway, I decided that our money would be better spent going toward a newer one.  Thanks to California's "Vehicle Retirement" program, we got $1,000 for bringing the van to a dismantler that will recycle her parts and sell them.  This ended up being our downpayment on the new one.

My son and nephew picked us up from the dismantler, and off we went to look at cars.  We had no idea if we would actually find a car the same day, but we were lucky enough to hit the jackpot at our local Hertz rental car lot.  It was more than I wanted to pay initially, but it has less than 44,000 miles on it (we still have 17,000 miles of factory warranty), and the monthly payments are just under $200!!  And it can fit two guys over six feet tall in the back, and I can STILL see out the rear window, although that window is a LOT smaller than the van's.  I miss that huge panoramic rear view.

Behold, our 2014 Nissan Sentra!! 
 
(This isn't actually ours, but it's the same year, model and lovely silver color.)

And this is the interior (minus the GPS; we have the radio/CD player in that spot and the heater/AC underneath).  Also, think black interior and fabric seats instead of silver:

We are now in the market for a StarTrek license plate cover and some vinyl stick-on bats for the side windows, heheheh...

In addition, I've been working on my online Museum Certificate course.  I finished the 'Introduction to Museums' class in January, and am two-thirds of the way through 'Museum Artifacts: How They Were Made & How They Deteriorate'.  I finish that one on my birthday!  And I'll be on vacation that week as well, the first REAL vacation I've taken since 2013.  Then in May, I have a two-week course on 'Gallery Guides'.  I'm glad I finally had the opportunity to afford this program AND convinced myself to jump in and do it. 

AND I almost forgot to mention that my first published short story, "The Second Time Around", came out in February, not only online but also IN PRINT!  I bought a copy of the paperback (Women in Horror Annual, $20/new), and it's really good; I recommend it highly, and not just because I'm in it.  I got a "like new" copy from alibris.com, but they are available on Amazon and in bookstores as well.

I hope you all had a wonderful Ostara/Easter/Spring Equinox! 

They like it, they really like it!

I got another e-mail today from the editors of the Women in Horror Annual.  They like the changes I made to my short story, didn't ask me to make any more, and the publication date is set for February 2016!  

This is so exciting for me, and I plan to keep the momentum going.  I'm currently working on two more stories (one about a romance between a necromancer and a vampire, and one with a werewolf theme), and finished a non-horror one a few weeks ago that I needed to write, for various reasons.  And I still haven't heard back about the first one I submitted to a different online journal.  

Do you have a creative outlet that excites and inspires you?  If so, please share it!

I'm Being Published!!!

I'm SOOOO excited, and I just have to share my excitement with you!  :-)

Back in June/July, I submitted two short stories to online journals; one went to a new online journal called the "Women in Horror Annual" and the other went to "Monsters and the Monstrous", which has been around for a few years.  Last Friday, I got an e-mail from one of the editors of the "Women in Horror Annual" that my story has been accepted for publication!  Of course, it will need some editing, but hey, that will be a good learning experience for me.  As long as they don't want to turn it into a completely different story with a different ending, I'm sure we can work it out.  ;-)

Technically, this isn't my first time being published, as I have had original poetry included in two printed pagan books, but they were published under my Craft name, and at least one probably had a much smaller readership.  This will be published under my legal name, and I will be able to include it on my resume/CV.  So this one actually means a lot more to me!

Here is their website, if you're interested:  Women in Horror Annual

And here is a cool pic, just because...  ;-)

Gloom with a View

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything of a personal nature; my last truly personal post was back in May, when I wrote about being invisible.

I believe I have mentioned the situation with my mom's emergency heart surgery in January and her seemingly never-ending recuperation due to an infection that will not go away, as well as the parallel issue of my grandmother's fall and subsequent decline and death.  However, although those things are partly what inspired this post, they are not the main reasons, nor the main issues.

The fact is, I am bored and frustrated with my life and the standstill that it seems to be in.  It occurred to me the other night, as I was thinking about this, that every one of my past hobbies and enjoyments are no longer of interest to me, and I have almost nothing to replace them with.  Dance, poetry and music have been a HUGE part of most of my life.  From childhood into adulthood,  I wrote poetry, most of which I still have and enjoy re-reading on occasion.  I listened to music all the time, but also loved to play and sing as well; I played the clarinet for five years (from 5th through 9th grades), and taught myself to play the guitar as a teen.  I have been both a church chorister and a choir director, and have sung in several church choirs as well.  I was a professional bellydancer for almost 20 years, and in the process learned to play zills (finger cymbals) and do some very basic drumming.  All of this has gone by the wayside in the last several years, and I'm not sure why.

So I am doing my best to create an "updated" life, with new hobbies and interests, and (hopefully) a new career and job to go with them.  I've got a decent number of wonderful pen pals with whom I correspond regularly, and the meetup group events and people are fun, when I can get to them.  I have also pinched Stuart's bass guitar and its accoutrements from his room, and I am going to attempt to learn to play it.  (I bought it for him for Christmas while he was still in high school, and he hasn't used it in years, so I am repo-ing the entire setup.  Move over, Patricia Morrison!)  And I've decided to try creating some gothic-style decorations to spruce up our apartment and garden.

As far as job hunting goes, I have spent quite a bit of time improving my resume and my LinkedIn profile and connections.  I also frequently check the online job boards of various museums and anthropological associations.  However, in the six years since I received my MA, I have been searching constantly, have applied for the few local jobs I found that I was both qualified for and interested in, and haven't ever gotten as far as an interview.  This situation has caused some serious depression on my part, and I'm honestly not sure how to deal with it anymore.  I feel like I wasted my time going back to school for eight years while working 40 hours a week and raising a family.  Was it worth it?  With thousands of dollars in student loans coming due, I'm not really sure anymore.

What do YOU do to promote yourself when looking for a new career/position?  Have you used LinkedIn or other online services?  If so, how did they work for you?  Do you have any advice, thoughts, or opinions you would like to share?

Moving Up with the Cemetery Friends

Earlier this month I attended the first 2014 meeting of the San Lorenzo Pioneer Cemetery Friends... and I leaped off the cliff and volunteered.  I am now the official Volunteer Coordinator.  Eeek!

Normally when I volunteer for things, I like to stay behind the scenes as much as possible.  I don't mind doing grunt work, but DO NOT put me on stage with lines to speak!  I do not want to be in charge or out in front.  However, I decided that I needed to do this so that I could include the experience on my museum resume, since most museums now depend on volunteers a LOT more than they should have to.

My duties will include knowing who will be attending each function (other than regular meetings), assigning people to the various tasks, and also recruiting more volunteers.  Speaking of which, I managed to snag my first (potential) new volunteer, too!  :-)  

 

What I'd LIKE to do at the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum

The other night I was hosting a 20-minute pity party for myself because I'm still not working in a museum, and I had a small brainstorm about what I'd like to do to at the REM.  Since I don't work there, I thought I would share it with you and see what you think.  (I know this post isn't particularly goth, but just think about the mummies, and that should help.)  ;-)

The museum itself was built in 1966; while the outside was modeled and painted to resemble a temple of the Amarna period in ancient Egypt, the galleries inside are pretty standard "traditional" museum rooms, with blah beige or brown walls and carpets with glass and plastic cases painted to match.  BOR-ring!!!

 

Splendid outside!  :-)



Ho-hum inside...  :-(

Too many people think of museums as dusty rooms full of cases of "boring old stuff", with boring cards giving them bits of information they don't care about and will forget before they walk out the door.  The way I see it, these galleries could be spiced up quite nicely just by painting them as though they were the inner rooms of an Egyptian tomb!  Especially the areas where the mummies are, as their names (if known) could be painted in hieroglyphs either above or below them, with appropriate prayers or other things as well (with English translations, of course).  See those two people in the back right, behind the replica of Tutankhamun's golden coffin?  They are looking at the Mystery Mummy, fondly known as NoNameHotep by the docents when I was an intern there.  Look at all that dark, empty space on the wall behind him and around him; wouldn't it be much nicer if it were decorated with hieroglyphs and beautiful things, or at least pictures of them?  I imagine this is NOT the kind of afterlife he had in mind!

I think most museums should be "redecorated", so to speak, every 5-6 years so that patrons don't get tired of the same old thing.  And I would want to get input from the museum members -- you know, those people smart enough to buy memberships to the museum because they want to come frequently and don't want to have to plunk down cash or plastic every time they walk through the doors.  My game plan would be to send out surveys to all the museum members, regardless of their membership type (to get the starving students, the rich socialites, AND everyone in between!), letting them know which galleries are going to be updated and asking for their ideas, complaints, fantasies, and suggestions of what to keep and what to change.  When the updated gallery is ready to open, there should be a special "Pre-Opening Members Night" when ONLY members are allowed to visit, before the gallery is reopened to the public.  And those members who submitted their surveys should be listed on a temporary board hanging just outside or inside the gallery for a few months, so they can see their names in print and feel like they've contributed something.

Yes, I know that this kind of thing is time consuming, and I also know that you can't please everyone, but I think that museum patrons would feel more like it was their museum if they were encouraged to provide input, and then got patted on the back for doing so.  They might come more often AND encourage friends and family to do so as well.  And museums like the REM that house ancient things don't get as many updates and "face lifts" as those with more modern or technological exhibits, so I feel they need to be a bit more concerned about keeping the term "boring museum" as far away from them as possible!

So, what do you think of my ideas?  You've all been to various kinds of museums, I'm sure.Which museums have impressed (or depressed) you, and why?  What kinds of things would you like to see changed or added?  What would you want to remain as it was when you saw it?  What would be the ideal museum for YOU?

What Happened to the First Half of my Life?

For the past few years, I've been going through a sort of "dark night of the soul".  This post is my attempt to verbalize my thoughts and feelings.  Feel free to skip it if you like, as it may turn out to be more emo than goth.  Never having met any emo people (that I know of), I really can't tell.

I moved to the East Bay from San Francisco when I was 25 years old and had just gotten married.  Things have changed a lot in The City (and in my life) in the last 26 years, more than I could have believed possible.

The apartment building I lived in from the time I was four years old until I was 22 is still standing, but I heard that the inside was entirely renovated several years ago, and I wouldn't recognize it today.  It's also now priced higher than I could afford on my current salary.  I think my mom was paying less than $400 a month for it when she moved out.

The last time I drove through the neighborhood where I grew up, most of the businesses I remember were gone.  A few of the "big" stores and restaurants were still there, but it was basically a strange place to me.  If I hadn't recognized the street names, I'd have thought I was lost!

I was filling out a job application several months ago on which I was asked to list the names, addresses and phone numbers of all the employers I've ever had.  It's been so many years since I worked for most of them that I had to look them up, and I was shocked beyond belief to discover that every one of them has either gone out of business or been taken over by another company in a merger and now bears that other company's name.  Every.  Single.  One.

Since then, I've been informed by professionals that prospective employers don't want to know what you were doing more than 10-15 years ago, so those jobs have been removed from my resume.  Now it appears that my current employer is the only one I've ever worked for, which is totally depressing.

Now, combine all that with the fact that I started working for my current employer right after I left my ex and  moved into my current apartment, and then I met my current husband. New home, new job, new man, new life, all at the same time.  I'm starting to feel as though the whole first half of my life has disappeared.  Other than in my memory, there is little, if any, evidence that it ever existed.  Does that mean I'm disappearing as well??

In early October, quite possibly on my father's death anniversary, my father-in-law had a heart attack.  He sees his doctor regularly, gets tested yearly for any problems with his cholesterol, and no one had ANY idea that one of his arteries was in the process of becoming completely blocked.  Fortunately it was "mild" attack, meaning there was no damage to his heart.  They put in a couple of stints, and he stayed in the hospital while they figured out the right combination of medications.  A couple of days later, they went back in and put in a pacemaker while he was still in good condition, "just in case".

This was a wake-up call, not only to him, but to me.  And I realized that all this is connected, even if it seems a bit convoluted.  Our culture, and indeed, most cultures today, run on chronos (linear) time, which has a beginning, a middle and and end, and is broken up into specific, measurable amounts.  We have calendars, birthdays, deadlines, and all sorts of devices to remind us constantly of "what time it is".  And our hearts (or pacemakers) are ticking steadily away, marking the passing of our lives.

On the other hand, Nature runs on kairos (cyclical) time, which has no noticeable beginning or end because everything is one eternal round.  Spring turns into Summer, which merges into Fall, which eventually leads to Winter, which gradually becomes Spring again.  Seeds are planted, they grow into plants that flower, go to seed, then die; when winter is past, the new seeds grow into plants that flower, then...  You get the idea.

Now here's where it gets interesting -- as in the Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times".  What happens when you combine linear time with cyclical time? For me, the problem is when something like work, that should be on linear time, feels like it's on cyclical time.  Then the work becomes just one eternal round that goes on forever and will never end. This is what I've been feeling for the past five years. Combine that with the disappearance of my early life, and what do I get?  Well, it feels like the death and decay of all I ever was before this moment in time, with this current moment going on forever, and I do not like it.  Not one little bit.

So, now what?  My hope is that, when I finally find a new job to grow into, I will be able to grow in other ways as well. But I know it's not just the job situation, it's ME in general that needs to grow into something new.  That's probably what's happening, and hopefully I'll enjoy the results, but the process is extremely painful, more so than I've ever experienced before. 

So... have you ever had a "dark night of the soul"?   What kind of person did you become in the process?  What differences do you see in yourself now?  Are you happy with the changes?

Keep Your Fingers Crossed!

Well, I'm taking the plunge again!  I found a job opening at the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco that I believe I'm qualified for, and I'm going to apply as soon as I have finished updating my resume and cover letter.

This job would be a HUGE plum for me, as it's in between being an administrative assistant and a curatorial assistant, which would enable me to use many of my skills while not being "in charge" of things I have no experience with.  Plus, it's at a museum that I used to visit often while growing up, so I'm familiar with many of the older artifacts in the collection.  In fact, just going through their online gallery pics was a trip down Memory Lane, so to speak, because I kept recognizing things!  While I don't have experience with "art" or art museums, my REM experience with ancient artifacts might be of use to them. 

Please keep your fingers, toes and/or anything else that seems appropriate crossed for me.  I'd be happy to at least get an interview for this position, as that would tell me I've done the right things in updating and editing my resume and cover letter.

Here are a few pics of my favorite things in this museum from the older collections.  I believe this first pic was taken when it was still at the old de Young Museum, before it was torn down and the new monstrosity built in its place:








May the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara (above) hear my plea and help me in my endeavor!  (Hey, it never hurts to ask.  I DO believe in the power of museum-patron deities.)

My Gothic Office

It's that time of year again, and I have had put up my Halloween decor at work since October 1st.  Here are a few pics of my new office space "dressed" for the season.  Sorry I'm posting this AFTER Halloween, but I just got the film back from the developer:

Starting on the left, this is the top of my file drawers.  The second pic has a few tombstones added to the lovely cemetery where the witches are doing their yearly laundry.  The two buildings on either side of the witches are mausoleums:

Moving to the right, we have the beginning of my actual workspace, complete with creepy cats hiding in the plants, and a grinning bat swooping down from my jewel orchid:

In the corner to the right of that is my permanent "shrine" area, which has the Skeletal Scarlett O'Hara drawing framed by two dragon candlesticks, some plastic skeleton hands in the offering dish before it, my resin skull to the left, and my Egyptian deities to the right:

Above all this (and also over my computer) looms the Wild Rumpus, a troll vampire, and two versions of The Grim Reaper, who actually live there year round:

Think I had enough "Halloween spirit" in my office this year???  Now, let's see how long it will stay up before someone notices it's still there!  ;-)

Mortuary Anthropology?

Have you ever had one of those days when everything in your whole life feels like crap, and all you want to do is run screaming and throw yourself off the nearest cliff into the sea??  Well, last Monday was one of those days.  Tuesday wasn't great, either; in fact, I took a sick day on Tuesday so that I wouldn't totally lose it at work like I wanted to do on Monday.

I'm totally frustrated with my job and my life right now, and have been for almost five years, ever since I got my MA and started looking for a job that would make me eager to get up in the mornings.  As of today, I'm still in the same job, making the same salary, and with the same prospects for something better.  And now this whole losing my office thing.  It SUCKS.  And I'm tired of it.

I've been thinking (endlessly) of how to get out of this gods-awful professional rut that I'm in.  I want to DO something with my anthropology degree, but it appears there is no room for me in the museum world, at least not around here.  And forget going to Egypt, at least for quite some time!!  So, where to go??  What to do???

After quite a bit more thought, I've come up with an idea; rather vague as of yet, but at least it IS an idea.  Combining my fascination with death, mummies, cemeteries, and anthropology in general sums up to something I've only heard about recently: mortuary archaeology.

Death is such a subjective and emotional subject for most people in our society, and so many people refuse to prepare in advance for it, especially if they are healthy; they put it off indefinitely, insisting that they will have "plenty of time".  Because of this, way too many arrangements have to be made by grieving relatives at practically a moment's notice, when they are still shocked and grieved by a death they may or may not have expected.  Mortuaries and funeral homes charge high prices for making dead people look enough like they aren't dead that the mourners can pretend their loved ones are "just sleeping", as well as for services such as embalming and expensive padded caskets that most people feel are either required or "expected", whether they actually ARE or not.  But mortuaries also perform very necessary services, burying or cremating bodies and keeping the records of the deaths as required by law, and they steer the grieving family through the legal morass of red tape required.  Perhaps both sides could use some help that they are not currently receiving.

Mortuary archaeology is the study of death rituals in various societies, of how people bury their dead and how they express their grief. I ordered (and just received) three books on various aspects of mortuary archaeology, and I'm going to immerse myself in them and see if I can't come up with one or more ideas on how to possibly become a bridge between mortuaries and those who use their services, hopefully meeting needs on one or both sides that aren't being met by the status quo.  It's all very tenuous as yet, and I'm not sure what (if anything) will come of it, but we'll see how things progress.

At least I'm no longer fighting the urge to run screaming...

When Life Gives You Wormwood, Make Absinthe... Then Get Toasted

I read an obituary yesterday.  Normally I don't read them if I don't know the person who died, but this was unusual in that the person, who was a journalist, actually wrote her own obituary before her death.  So, wanting to know what she thought was important enough to be what were basically her last words, I read it.  And the sentence which stood out to me like a beacon on a dark hill was one that she wrote to her children:

"...always remember that obstacles in the path are not obstacles, they ARE the path."

This sentence hit me like the proverbial two-by-four, probably because it was one.  All I could think of was that Hekate (or Someone Out There) finally found someone who had the words to make it clear to me.

And it was definitely the right time for it.  This illumination came after receiving some rather devastating news from my director.   Due to various things having absolutely nothing to do with our department, we are going to have to move several people around, and the result is that I am losing my private office with the huge windows overlooking lawn, trees and sky.  Instead, I will be working in a shared office with no windows.

Now, to truly appreciate the extent of my devastation, this office was the last reason I still had for actually wanting to go to work.  No raises since 2007, increasing workloads and health care payments, boredom from being in the same venue for the last 15 years, and five years of frustration looking for a job where I can actually use my degrees have all really worn me down.  This room was the only bright spot, both literally and figuratively, left in my work day.  And now it's being taken away because someone in some other department wants to show they have clout.

This is where the wormwood and absinthe come in; they're the goth version of  "when life gives you lemons,  make lemonade".  If the obstacles ARE the path, then going around them is impossible; the only way to continue on is to go through them.  Very well, then.  And as Christine Jette says in her book, The Shadow Tarot, "There is no going over, under or around the Shadow; the only path to freedom is through the darkness."  Since I can no longer have the light at work, I shall embrace the shadows.  My new work space will be decorated as a haven of gothdom for me.  I'm looking over things that I have at home that I can bring in; I've already got a lovely picture of an antebellum skeleton lady in front of a broken-down mansion (that I bought for our front bathroom but didn't use) ready and waiting to be hung in my new space.  Here is the picture, from the Etsy shop of The Mighty Squirm, without the frame it's in now:

 

 Just think Scarlett O'Hara sitting on the lawn at Tara, only one hundred years later.  Isn't it incredible?? 

I'm also haunting Etsy and GothMart, and I plan to continue my bi-monthly trolling at EcoThrift. I'm going to make this new space SO incredibly goth that most people will be too scared to bother me, heheheh...