Thursday, March 13, 2014

I'm Throwing Glitter as Fast as I Can...

Several posts ago, I quoted a drag queen as saying, "When in doubt, throw some glitter on it!"  I also commented that if I really did that, the world around me would be covered in glitter because I have so many doubts.  Well, here's some glitter for today...

First of all, it's taken me weeks to write this post, as I've been doubting that anyone would actually want to read it.  (Glitter!)  Second, I had to come to a conclusion that was very difficult for me to accept, and that    is that my mother is not always right, and sometimes she gives me information that is not complete or not correct.  (I feel almost blasphemous just writing this, even though I know she will never see it.  More glitter!)  Like most young children, I believed that my mom knew everything and if she didn't know about something then it didn't exist.  Now, please understand that it was me who projected this onto her; she never pretended to know everything.  But she was very decisive because, as a single mother, she had to be.

Anyway, after a few incidents at the nursing center where she and Grandma are currently staying, I now realize that I'm the one who will have to be decisive for both of them, possibly for the rest of their lives.  Grandma will not care, I'm sure.  In fact, I think she has already let go of most decision making already; that's why she decided to stay at the center permanently.  When I've given her checks to sign to pay her bills and told her what I was doing with her house and things, she has always thanked me and told me I was a "good girl", but she doesn't ask any questions and doesn't really seem to care what will become of her possessions.  We all think she is just biding her time now, and that's okay.  No glitter there, it's just life.  But me making decisions -  the right decisions - for her and my mom?  Lots of glitter being thrown...

My biggest problem, at least for the moment, is this:  I live three hours away (by car) from the nursing center.  I also have a full-time job and a husband who likes attention now and then.  This means that much of my interaction with the nursing center and others involved must be by phone.  However, it appears that no one there is ever at their desk, and almost no one apparently believes that it is necessary to return calls in a timely manner, if at all.  So far, this appears to be true of almost everyone who was not available when I called.  Of the five messages I have left in the last five days (to four different people), only two have been returned.  Two messages were for the same person, but I have not yet heard from her.  This morning I found she is not the person I needed to speak with, but that doesn't excuse her not calling and telling me that herself.  Do I have doubts about being able to deal with all this?  Well, at the moment, I can't see the floor through all the glitter I've been flinging... 

15 comments:

  1. As my father-in-law went into a nursing home about 6 months ago, and my mother-in-law needs a lot of help from my husband, I can relate to that dawning realization that you're beginning to take on a new role in life.

    I don't know how nursing homes in America differ from nursing homes here, but it's not good that they're not returning calls, particularly as you can't just drop by easily to check on things. I'd suggest looking into other nursing homes, but that's an ordeal in itself, and your mother and grandmother may not even want to move.

    I wish I had some brilliant pearls of wisdom to provide, but I can probably only offer solidarity and best wishes. Pass the glitter over here. ;)

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    1. Thanks for sharing your situation! It's nice to know other people who can relate. :-)

      I have a feeling that nursing homes are pretty similar in both countries, and like the one we are working with, yours are probably also understaffed and overworked. This one probably isn't any worse than most, and is definitely better than many! And you're right, Grandma wants to stay there, and my mom doesn't have a choice... it's the only one in Clearlake! Fortunately, I found someone else there who answered my questions today AND put me in touch with the right people, so it did work out after all. It sure helps to make friends on the "inside" of places, they can come in very handy! :-)

      Passing the glitter in your direction, and best wishes to you as well in dealing with your in-laws' situation.

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  2. *hugs*
    I feel as if nobody (except you!) reads my blog. And it took me a while to realize...mothers are not always right! I love my mother to pieces but sometimes *shakes fist* she is just as stubborn and opinionated as me! I need some glitter as well! Make it black and purple with little confetti bats!

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    1. Oh, DEFINITELY purple and black with bats!!! I LOVE it!!! Passing it now... {{HUGS}}

      Yeah, your mother sounds a lot like my mother, stubborn and opinionated at times. You could be right, they just might have gotten it from us!! ;-)

      Wait a minute! I'M a mother. Does that mean...???

      Naaaah.

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    2. BTW, as for nobody else reading your blog, I'm sure they DO. But some situations, like those you've just been through, are pretty hard for many people to deal with, let alone comment on. Could be they just had NO idea what to say, so they stayed silent.

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  3. Oh man, sorry you're going through so much stress. Taking care of parents and grandparents is something I never thought about much as a child, but it's one of those unfortunate things about being an adult, I know. Your family is super lucky to have you to care for them, that's for sure. Throw glitter on the phone, that might help.

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    1. Thanks! I know, you just assume they will live forever in perfect health. Then when something like this happens, it shocks you because it CAN'T happen, not to them! I don't know how lucky they are, but I do know they are grateful, which does help some.

      Hmmm, maybe if I bury the phone in glitter, this will all go away??? If not, at least it might muffle the ringing...

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  4. If there's a silver lining in all of this, I would say that at least you're only three hours away from the nursing center. At least you can get there occasionally. My parents are 1,500 miles away and just decided not to let us move them here. Oh well!

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    1. Very true, that IS a silver lining! And I'm SO sorry to hear that your parents won't move closer. My in-laws might be willing to move back, but they are now in Florida and we are in California, and they literally can't afford it! But they have agreed that if one of them goes first, the other will come back. Maybe you could get your parents to agree to that??

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  5. I know when my mom went into the nursing home with Alzheimers, being an only child I had no one to help me make all those decisions and do all of the things that needed to be done to advocate for her. My children were still young at the time, and between doctors and trying to make sure she got proper care at the home (oh, don't get me started on nursing homes!), I felt resentful of all the time I had spend doing those things which took me away from my kids. Seven years later, and I still obviously haven't gotten over the guilt of those resentful feelings.

    If you can get just one person in the facility on your side, I think you've won half the battle. I recommend chocolates and flowers occasionally. And I'm not kidding ... working in a nursing home must be one of the most difficult jobs in the whole world, I think. :(

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    1. I'm SO sorry, and sorry you had to deal with that with small children to care for as well! And Alzheimer's would make it even more awful than it is anyway.

      I'm an only child as well, so I know exactly how THAT goes down. And I've been feeling VERY resentful that I'm having to deal with Grandma's stuff as well, because MY mom should be my first priority, and she does have a son and daughter-in-law who really should be in charge. But he just had lung surgery, so I guess I'll have to cut him a little slack (but JUST a little).

      I never thought about bringing the staff goodies, but that's a great idea!! I do have two ladies that I can count on to answer questions and help me out, but I agree, treats never hurt, and that might just make a difference. Thanks, I'll do that next time I go up! :-)

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  6. I am sad to see you go through so much :( It is very hard.

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  7. Oh dear, next time you talk to those ignorant people ask the name of the one in charge over them and I hope that will make them more accommodating.

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    1. Fortunately, I think the situation is improving, and I do know a few people there now that are willing to help me out. But if I have to do that at some point, I will!

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