I'm Throwing Glitter as Fast as I Can...

Several posts ago, I quoted a drag queen as saying, "When in doubt, throw some glitter on it!"  I also commented that if I really did that, the world around me would be covered in glitter because I have so many doubts.  Well, here's some glitter for today...

First of all, it's taken me weeks to write this post, as I've been doubting that anyone would actually want to read it.  (Glitter!)  Second, I had to come to a conclusion that was very difficult for me to accept, and that    is that my mother is not always right, and sometimes she gives me information that is not complete or not correct.  (I feel almost blasphemous just writing this, even though I know she will never see it.  More glitter!)  Like most young children, I believed that my mom knew everything and if she didn't know about something then it didn't exist.  Now, please understand that it was me who projected this onto her; she never pretended to know everything.  But she was very decisive because, as a single mother, she had to be.

Anyway, after a few incidents at the nursing center where she and Grandma are currently staying, I now realize that I'm the one who will have to be decisive for both of them, possibly for the rest of their lives.  Grandma will not care, I'm sure.  In fact, I think she has already let go of most decision making already; that's why she decided to stay at the center permanently.  When I've given her checks to sign to pay her bills and told her what I was doing with her house and things, she has always thanked me and told me I was a "good girl", but she doesn't ask any questions and doesn't really seem to care what will become of her possessions.  We all think she is just biding her time now, and that's okay.  No glitter there, it's just life.  But me making decisions -  the right decisions - for her and my mom?  Lots of glitter being thrown...

My biggest problem, at least for the moment, is this:  I live three hours away (by car) from the nursing center.  I also have a full-time job and a husband who likes attention now and then.  This means that much of my interaction with the nursing center and others involved must be by phone.  However, it appears that no one there is ever at their desk, and almost no one apparently believes that it is necessary to return calls in a timely manner, if at all.  So far, this appears to be true of almost everyone who was not available when I called.  Of the five messages I have left in the last five days (to four different people), only two have been returned.  Two messages were for the same person, but I have not yet heard from her.  This morning I found she is not the person I needed to speak with, but that doesn't excuse her not calling and telling me that herself.  Do I have doubts about being able to deal with all this?  Well, at the moment, I can't see the floor through all the glitter I've been flinging...