When I'm 64: Thoughts about Dressing Goth after 60

Okay, I've been having lots of fun discovering my own personal goth style that looks good on me while not being "too young" for my age... but what happens when I get into my 60's??  Not many "SuperElderGoths" around to ask, so we'll all have to invent this one on our own.  How delightful!!  Not.

Right now, I'm leaning toward a mixture of Morticia Addams and Stevie Nicks -- you know, long and flowing, very elegant, with extravagant shoes. I recently picked up this awesome dress at Hot Topic, at 25% off! 

I think the bare leg look sucks with it, but I've got some patterned black tights that will look awesome, along with heels, of course.  (These boots are great for clubbing, but not for a professional or Morticia Addams look.  For Stevie, you would want platform boots and a huge chiffon scarf.)

However, recently I found this article called "Top 10 Items You're Too Old to Wear" that totally set me off... and NOT in a good way.  Are we living in "Logan's Run" here??  Some things I did agree with, totally or in part, but most of them are just absurd!  In a nutshell, here is what they say, and what I think of what they say (hey, who ARE "they", anyway???  Nobody I want to know!!):

1.  No message t-shirts after 30.

What, people over 30 have nothing to say?? Nope, guess we're too OLD to have anything worth saying.

2. No "too trendy" denim after 35.

This includes jeans with rhinestones or designs on the back pockets.  And we should only wear black or dark denim, no light colors.  Say WHAT??  Oh, that's right, we OLD PEOPLE have nothing to say.

3. No "costume shoes"  (impractical, wildly crazy shoes) after the mid-40's.

Sorry, I'm not turning my 4-inch Demonia platform Mary Janes over to Goodwill anytime soon.  Did Stevie give hers away??  Nope.  And I firmly believe that every woman should have at least ONE pair of fantastic shoes, preferably ones that she can walk in, but if not, oh well. 

4. No micro-mini skirts after 40.

I can't argue with this one too much, especially since most women under 40 don't look all that great in micro minis (you know, the kind that disappear when you sit down).  But if you've still got great legs and thighs, honey, I say flaunt 'em, regardless of your age!!

5. Nothing showing "excessive cleavage" after 50.

To my husband (and probably to most men), there's no such thing as "excessive cleavage" unless it's covered in wrinkles, so I'm not going to worry about this one too much.  If I don't want to see it, I won't be showing it, anyway.

6. No white ribbed-cotton tank tops after 40.

Wait, are they saying we shouldn't wear white, we shouldn't wear cotton, or we shouldn't wear tank tops??  Or maybe we shouldn't be wearing ribs...  ;-)

7. No hair gadgets after 30.

Geez!  I guess we're supposed to let our hair flap all over the place instead, or wear granny buns.  Next thing you know, we'll be told we aren't supposed to have HAIR after 30...  I know, let's all shave our heads, then it won't be a problem!!  Move over, Sade!!

8. No oversized, overly decorated hobo bags after 50.

I've never been fond of those bags, anyway.  But it seems to me that the older you get, the more stuff you need to haul around, like all those pills you have to take now, a fold-up cane, Ex-Lax, reading glasses, driving glasses, extra hearing aid batteries, extra false teeth, Depends, your will...

9. No cheap, unflattering underwear after 40.

Now this one I actually agree with!  But why wait until 40 to get good stuff that fits you properly??  Do that NOW, before you even need to worry about how it looks!  Then you won't feel like a fool when you realize that you do actually need bras (or other things) that cover things up, smooth things over, or hold things in.  I can't remember having cheap or unflattering underthings since I was a kid, and I intend to keep it that way!

10. No "loud accessories" after 35.

Two of the first things mentioned on the list are black nail polish and "goth-inspired studded belts". Do you want to hold them down while I bitch-slap them, or would you prefer to do the slapping?  Either way works for me.

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Please notice that according to the article, no one over 50 should be wearing or carrying any of the above.  This means that at 60, I should dress like... who, Granny in "The Beverly Hillbillies"???  Somehow, I just can't see myself going along with that one.  Can you see yourself that way?  Nope, neither can I.

Now, here is MY advice for these self-styled "fashion advisors"... GET OVER YOURSELVES!  Real women wear what we want, when we want to and how we want to. If you don't feel comfortable wearing something, don't wear it, but stop trying to tell the rest of us what we can and cannot wear. 

Life is too short to be a dull white sheep; become the shiny black sheep you know you are!!