Death Cafes, and Some Thoughts about Aging

Have you ever heard of gatherings of strangers in public places to discuss death?  I hadn't until a little while ago, when an online acquaintance posted about going to something called a Death Cafe.  After reading her post I got into one of those reflective moods... 

As you know, our culture does as much as it possibly can to cover up the fact that people die.  Corpses are pumped full of preservatives, then 'prettied up' as much as possible for their funeral; every effort is made to make them look like they are only asleep, so as not to upset their living friends and families.  They are then sealed in metal caskets and the grave itself is lined with concrete, ostensibly so that the ground won't sink after burial (which can happen), but also so that nothing nasty, like bugs or dirt, can get in. Most people just can't bear the thought of a friend or loved one (or themselves) rotting or crumbling into dust, no matter what the funeral prayers say.

After reading Lupa's Death Cafe post, I started thinking about aging and realized that, even though I'm not particularly afraid of dying, I am afraid of aging.  And I worry about the older members of my family as they age.

When I turned 50 last year, I tried very hard not to start thinking of myself as old.  Labels are limiting because our minds have been conditioned to accept them as the truth.  Old is a state of mind, not necessarily an age.  Old buildings, cars, art, music and books are often considered to be 'classics', and I think people should be thought of in the same way.  In my soul, I'm still somewhere between 16 and 30!!  As long as my health is good and my body holds out, I can probably stay in that age range for many years to come.  But for all that, I find myself glaring at my neck and a couple of other places that are starting to show obvious signs of aging, and wishing I had a magic wand...

This year my mother will be 78, and her mother will be 97.  They both use walkers now, grandma's memory is failing badly, and my mother is a later-life insulin diabetic who has also been on kidney dialysis for over three years and is having major trouble walking and standing.  They live in a tiny town about three hours away from me, at opposite ends of the same street but in separate homes.  I'm an only child, two of my mom's three siblings are dead, and their children don't keep in touch, while the remaining sibling lives much farther away from them than I do, and he and his wife have their own health problems.  I worry about my mother and grandmother a LOT, although I will never tell them so.  They are both very independent, and my mother does not want to live with us or anyone else; my grandmother might not mind, but if she did, my mom would be alone up there. 

An extremely large number of my friends and family, including my father, have died of various types of cancer; I've been to many more funerals in my lifetime than weddings.  The other day I pulled up Facebook (one of the rare occasions when I check it) and got hit with a message that a friend I haven't seen in several years was just diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer in both lungs.  This friend is probably 10-15 years older than I am, but that's still not really old. 

All these situations make aging seem like a horrible thing, and the fact that diseases such as cancer are becoming more common contribute to this feeling.  But is it actually aging that causes the problems, or are they simply exacerbated by aging?  Honestly, I think it's six of one and half-a-dozen of the other.

So what is the point of this post?  Well, it's weird to say this, but I think I'd rather just die than grow old first.  It seems a lot less scary and painful than aging first and THEN dying.  Maybe the movie "Logan's Run" wasn't so far off the mark, after all...

What are your thoughts about aging and death?  Does one seem worse than the other to you?  How do you cope with any fears you have?