Can I Gag Now, Please?

Have you ever known someone who was so danged upbeat and happy all the time that you just wanted to kick them out the window?

I know someone like that here at work.  He really IS a nice guy, and I would never tell him how I feel about his eternal cheeriness, but sometimes it seems that I run into him whenever I just DO NOT feel like trying to be happy.  Or perhaps I run into him when the Universe decides it wants to mess with me, like today.  I had a really bad night last night, tossing and turning in a bed that was overly warm and full of cats, poking Martin to make him stop snoring, and worrying about money and dealing with my mom's stuff.  Things were a bit rough in the morning, but I watched another episode of 'Dark Shadows' at lunch and was feeling better.  Went into the lunchroom, and there he was.  Now, I admit that no one twisted my arm to stop and chat with him, so it was my own fault, really.  But I was trying to feel a bit more upbeat, so I figured, what the heck, maybe it will help.  It didn't.  And as he was basically telling me how the world is full of puppy cats* and rainbows if we really look for them, I just wanted to turn into a bat and flap away with a crash of thunder and lightning into the darkness.  After I strangled him with my bare claws.

Now I'm sitting here feeling mean and grumpy, so I figured I would share the love and (hopefully) push some of the guilt onto all of you. 

Isn't that nice of me?


 






*And I just found out that there IS something called a Puppycat, and there are rainbows all over the page.  Gaaaakk...  You can find it here (if you REALLY want to).

Dancing in the Rain

It's that time of year again, when I want to crawl into my den and hibernate through the rest of the year.  But at the same time, I find I am craving company as well. Very strange, and difficult to balance well.

But, on a positive note, it's RAINING!!!  And Martin was sweet enough to call me at work and let me know, so that I could take a break from my windowless office space and go out and dance in the rain without an umbrella, which I did...  :-)




 

September: "I'm SO Goth..."

 

"And think, as softly-sad you tread

Above the venerable Dead,

Time was, like thee they Life possest,

And Time shall be, that thou shalt Rest."

   ~Thomas Parnell, "A Night Piece on Death" (1721)

Gloom with a View

It's been quite a while since I've posted anything of a personal nature; my last truly personal post was back in May, when I wrote about being invisible.

I believe I have mentioned the situation with my mom's emergency heart surgery in January and her seemingly never-ending recuperation due to an infection that will not go away, as well as the parallel issue of my grandmother's fall and subsequent decline and death.  However, although those things are partly what inspired this post, they are not the main reasons, nor the main issues.

The fact is, I am bored and frustrated with my life and the standstill that it seems to be in.  It occurred to me the other night, as I was thinking about this, that every one of my past hobbies and enjoyments are no longer of interest to me, and I have almost nothing to replace them with.  Dance, poetry and music have been a HUGE part of most of my life.  From childhood into adulthood,  I wrote poetry, most of which I still have and enjoy re-reading on occasion.  I listened to music all the time, but also loved to play and sing as well; I played the clarinet for five years (from 5th through 9th grades), and taught myself to play the guitar as a teen.  I have been both a church chorister and a choir director, and have sung in several church choirs as well.  I was a professional bellydancer for almost 20 years, and in the process learned to play zills (finger cymbals) and do some very basic drumming.  All of this has gone by the wayside in the last several years, and I'm not sure why.

So I am doing my best to create an "updated" life, with new hobbies and interests, and (hopefully) a new career and job to go with them.  I've got a decent number of wonderful pen pals with whom I correspond regularly, and the meetup group events and people are fun, when I can get to them.  I have also pinched Stuart's bass guitar and its accoutrements from his room, and I am going to attempt to learn to play it.  (I bought it for him for Christmas while he was still in high school, and he hasn't used it in years, so I am repo-ing the entire setup.  Move over, Patricia Morrison!)  And I've decided to try creating some gothic-style decorations to spruce up our apartment and garden.

As far as job hunting goes, I have spent quite a bit of time improving my resume and my LinkedIn profile and connections.  I also frequently check the online job boards of various museums and anthropological associations.  However, in the six years since I received my MA, I have been searching constantly, have applied for the few local jobs I found that I was both qualified for and interested in, and haven't ever gotten as far as an interview.  This situation has caused some serious depression on my part, and I'm honestly not sure how to deal with it anymore.  I feel like I wasted my time going back to school for eight years while working 40 hours a week and raising a family.  Was it worth it?  With thousands of dollars in student loans coming due, I'm not really sure anymore.

What do YOU do to promote yourself when looking for a new career/position?  Have you used LinkedIn or other online services?  If so, how did they work for you?  Do you have any advice, thoughts, or opinions you would like to share?

Fairy Outfit for Work

My apologies for not posting anything since the 3rd.  I've been running around like a mad thing, working overtime and then cavorting madly about all night with my fans going home to do my laundry, then crawl into bed.  And I'm still going to Clearlake every other weekend to visit my mom in the nursing center and take care of her house and bills.  I'm hoping someday she will finally get to go home, and I won't have to do this forever.  Anyway...

A lovely friend in Wales sent me a box of gothic goodies a few years ago, and inside it there was a GORGEOUS purple/black tunic-style top with pointy bits trailing from the sleeves and hem, and lots of beads and sequins all over it.  (Think of Stevie Nicks as a fairy.)  I adore this top, but I haven't ever worn it because "I have nowhere to wear it".  Yesterday I thought to myself, SCREW this, I'm going to wear it to work!  So I did, with a pair of plain black leggings and a pair of black leather heeled booties with silver buckles.  I look like a Dark Fairy!  :-) 

Unfortunately, my throwaway camera is full, and I don't have a new one yet, so you'll have to wait for a photo.  But rest assured, I would do Stevie Nicks proud... 

In the meantime, here is a lovely picture of a fairy for your viewing pleasure!

August: "I'm SO Goth..."

Goth is the only community that REALLY HAS discovered time travel; the past, present and future are melded into one glorious black, pink and purple family...

 

Book Review: Death, a Life

 Death, a Life  (with George Pendle)

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, it's a weird title.  And it suits the book just perfectly.  Taking the reader from before the creation of the world up to the (almost) present day, with side trips to both Heaven and Hell, the autobiography of Death Itself should indeed be considered a "life", or at least, an attempt at one.

I find this book to be both funny and terrible at the same time.  Not terrible in the sense of being written badly; on the contrary, it's beautifully written, with lots of quiet (and not so quiet) puns and plays on words that really made me smile.  Rather, it's terrible in that it brings the reader face to face with some truly horrendous aspects of people and of our society in general.  I'm sure there are a lot of things I'm still missing when I read it, but I find something new every time that I hadn't noticed before, and it gets better each time around.

Death, a Life is a "must read" for any goth worth their absinthe.