I wasn't even going to write this post, then decided I owe it to myself to do so. I'm not sure if it will be a catharsis or a curse, but whatever.
On the 23rd, around 4pm, I got a call from my mom's helper, Tee. My mom had fallen at home, and was on her way to the hospital because something was wrong with her left leg. Turns out her hip was broken, and she had to have surgery to repair it. NOT a replacement, thank goodness, but just two pins and some kind of joint thing to put everything back together.
So off I went to Clearlake, with NO idea how long I would be gone or what would happen. Of course, it was the first week of the summer quarter at work. I had all sorts of things I was supposed to do, AND we are short-staffed. But my supervisors both said GO, so I let them worry about that, as I certainly couldn't.
The surgery was successful, and she is now back in the nursing center she was in last year. Needless to say, she is not happy about it, and as I sat with her that first day, labeling her clothes and lingerie with her name and room number, she was laying in bed moving her leg as best she could. She was hoping to go home within a week, but since the doctor said it would be at least two weeks (and implied it would be longer), I wasn't surprised. I'm rooting for "sometime before the end of August", myself, as I think that's a more likely estimate.
There are going to be some other changes this time, as well. I can still only go up once a month, although I will be going twice in August as it's her birthday then. And, with Tee's help, I intend to monitor her condition and medications much more closely than I was able to last year. We are not going to have a repeat of the medications fiasco!!
I'm also not going to let myself be overwhelmed by her problems. I think this will be easier since I won't be there every other weekend. I do have my own life, and I'm going to work helping her in around it instead of letting hers take over. It wasn't anyone's fault, least of all hers, but I allowed it to take over my life; this time I won't. Fortunately, I still have a fantastic spouse and a great group of friends to give me moral support, not to mention eight cats who won't hesitate to remind me where my REAL loyalties lie. ;-)
That last paragraph was easier to write than it is to live. I wrote it two days ago, but I have been fighting heavy-duty depression almost ever since. The whole nasty mess of last year keeps rising up in my head, and I have a tremendous feeling of deja vu, that it is all happening again and will never stop, like a giant evil hamster wheel. I spent most of this morning at home in bed, trying to make it all go away. When I finally dragged myself to work, I let my supervisor know exactly what's going on. She was very understanding and very supportive. I'm now going to start looking for a therapist of some kind to get some professional help with this, because I don't think I can continue to do it by myself.
In the meantime, I will continue writing stories and posting here about other things, so that at least I can pretend that I have a life outside work and my mom. And keep looking for that dream job...