The other day I had a meltdown. It was inevitable, really. I've just got too much on my plate right now, and I had to throw open the door to my Shadow closet before it either imploded or exploded. So it was actually a good thing, although the timing could have been a little better. ::sigh::
Among other things, something that has bothered me for a long time but now has become a front-row issue is how our society deals with aging and the elderly while at the same time spouting the praises of modern medicine's ability to allow people to live longer. Every other weekend I visit a place that is full of older people who are no longer capable of living alone or taking care of themselves. Some have physical issues, others have mental issues, and the really lucky ones have both. Some have devoted family members and/or friends who visit frequently and keep them at least marginally in the social loop, while others are totally alone because either their families and friends have abandoned them or they have no one who is still living or close enough to come. Many of them lay in their beds or sit in their wheelchairs and just stare or sleep all the time. Are they content? I have no idea. My grandmother was becoming one of those people towards the end, especially when she could no longer hear or make herself understood to those around her, and I know she was not enjoying that. She had been telling my mom for years that she was ready to die anytime; she was just waiting to go. We thought she had a health care directive ("living will") that indicated her wishes, but we were unable to find it; we still have no idea where it is, or if it ever existed. She was fortunate that she died naturally, before any decisions about life support had to be made.
I'm not afraid of death... I'm afraid of being forced to continue living after my body has decided it's time to die. While I do have a health care directive that clearly states I do not want to be kept alive in a permanently vegetative state, and I believe that both my husband and son would honor that wish, what about other types of situations? I believe that someone who is permanently in ill health or extreme pain but who is still in control of their mental faculties should be allowed to "let go" and die if they wish to do so; this would include people with dementia, Alzheimer's, or some other
form of mental deterioration who still have fairly long periods of lucidity and
rationality. I think it would be awesome to be able to do it surrounded by one's family and friends in a social ritual, like birthdays, weddings, showers, baptisms and confirmations; the way it is done in certain movies such as "Logan's Run" is a good example (although we'd have to change the part about it being a form of population control, with everyone being forced to die at a certain age regardless of their health).
I know it probably sounds horrible to many people, but why can't we be as 'humane' to those of our own species as we are to other animals who are ill or in pain and never going to get better? We have our pets and other animals "put to sleep" by a veterinarian rather than force them to live with a lingering illness or die a painful death. Why shouldn't people be allowed to do the same, with society's blessing? Now I'm definitely not saying it should be required of everyone (or anyone), and it should never be decided by someone other than the individual in question, but I do think it should be an option for each of us. Since DNR ("Do Not Resuscitate") directives are legal, why not legalize LMD ("Let Me Die") directives as well?
Remember Terri Schiavo? She lay in a nursing facility from 1990 to 2005, unable to move or speak, and the doctors said she was brain-dead, which meant she had no consciousness of anything or anyone. Her husband and parents fought for years over whether she should be kept on life support or allowed to die, and the only ones who actually benefited from this were the doctors, hospitals and nursing facilities who received exorbitant sums of money for keeping her alive while the fighting went on (not to mention the lawyers). Her family only ended up with heartache that continues to this day.
What do YOU think about this subject? Should it be socially acceptable for permanently ill or injured people to choose their time to die? Why or why not?
I just recently saw a scientist being interviewed on TV and she was discussing a study that was being done on aging and lifespan. In a nutshell, she was saying that we live longer now, but we don't live healthier. In other words, modern science keeps us alive longer but our our longer lives are blighted by diseases exacerbated by our modern lifestyle like diabetes and heart disease. We've achieved quantity, but often without the quality.
ReplyDeleteThe euthanasia question is so difficult. On one hand it's so logical and compassionate, but I always have this niggling concern about it being open to abuse. It's true that we euthanize our beloved pets to end their suffering, but so many animals (racing greyhounds past their prime, for example) are euthanized for convenience. I don't know if I have enough faith in people to not corrupt any system that might be set in place.
I'm sorry you've got so much on your plate right now. I'm feeling very overwhelmed at the moment too, to the point that I find myself waking at night with anxiety. I wish life had a pause button. I feel like I need to stop and take stock. :)
I know what you mean about fearing that people would corrupt even the best system. Unfortunately, even the best people are human! And we all know the saying about the road to Hell being paved with good intentions... So that is definitely cause for concern in this regard, and the points you raise about animals often being euthanized for the convenience of the owners is EXACTLY why I would not want anyone making the decision for anyone else. It would HAVE to be made ONLY by each individual for themselves.
DeleteI agree, we need life pause buttons! I'm offering a Nobel prize to the person who creates one that works. ;-)
I personally feel very strongly on the subject and I too feel people should be able to be put to sleep if they wish. I think that is much more humane than having someone suffer. I have even had conversations with my husband asking him to fulfill my wishes if something were to happen etc. I think some people would be corrupt but many others would be able to help their loved ones escape even more pain. I totally feel that everyone has the right to their own bodies and the way they wish to pass away etc. I don't believe in chemotherapy BUT if someone wishes to do so I totally think that is fine. My husband's mother is very ill and has terminal cancer and she has chosen not to take doctors drugs and to be honest with you from what I've seen she has less pain and suffering than her relative that took the doctor's drugs. She takes a few things but she refuses chemo and radiation and just does natural stuff and she isn't as messed up as some who have done other things. Sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. I hope you can feel a bit better soon. I have had fears about having prolonged pain and suffering and I think a lot of people feel the way you do but are afraid to talk about it.
ReplyDeleteIt IS difficult to get people to talk about this stuff, so thank you for being so up-front about it! :-) So many people think there must be only ONE way to do something, usually their way. But when we have choices, then everyone can make the "right" choice for themselves, like your mother-in-law did. And I think each person's situation must be treated as totally unique from anyone else's, because it IS unique, even when the general circumstances are similar. So one blanket solution does NOT work for everyone.
DeleteFirstly, can I send you a virtual *HUG*, from someone who is going through something pretty similar right now, just in a different country.
ReplyDeleteI watched a very good documentary about this very subject by Louis Theroux, an English documentary maker who usually covers aspects of US society that are fascinating to us Brits. He spent time both with the terminally ill, and also with the families of people in persistent vegetative states. He made no judgement on either side of the coin, simply allowed both sides to show why they'd made their personal decisions. He spent time in a home where people had been hooked up to machines for years. Even the doctor thought it was inhumane. It's worth hunting out on BBC America, if available - its good at showing the doctors' ethical dilemmas on what they can actually offer vying with what they should.
Personally, I'm with you. You know I didn't hesitate to turn off my dad's life support when he'd gone into multi organ failure and had no remaining brain function. I'd watched my husband and his mother suffering untold horror for year as she descended into early onset end stage dementia. It really was the most horrendous thing a person could be put through. And all of her other relatives (including her older son and daughter) abandoned her. 4 years after her death I am still bloody furious about that. They switched off from the reality. Then when the nursing home said she could no longer eat and we should consider end of life palliative care with a DNR, they wanted to put her through an operation to be tube fed. You can feel the heat coming outta me right now.
This woman was a skeleton in a bed who couldn't swallow or move. She could cry through. And you can put someone in the nicest home, with the nicest care, and visit daily but does it make their life bearable? We went through hell, especially the last 2 years (she kept fitting, the hospital kept bringing her back at her daughter's insistence).
My husband and I have an agreement. This is never to happen to either of us. We do not wish to have our lives prolonged beyond what we naturally are meant to live, and if dementia hits then we take a deep breath and look at what happens next. My dad drifted into death peacefully with me by his side holding his hand; my mother in law took 6 days to starve to death with basic pain meds once life support was withdrawn. If we could have loaded up a morphine overdose to make that 5 days shorter we would have, but the law prevented us.
And now, my lovely aunt has been diagnosed with uterine cancer. She's about to have an operation. She's facing this - at the age of 84 - with quiet stoicism while all of us about her crumble because we can't contemplate a life without her warmth, her generosity and her love. But we have to let her make her own choices even if it is breaking my heart.
(I'm having a meltdown to. Tomorrow I resign from work. Will blog later in week).
I'll stop ranting now. But take very good care of yourself, friend overseas.
Thanks very much, I needed that hug!! And I'm sending one back to you as well, sounds like you need it, too. ::HUG::
DeleteI am SO sorry about your aunt, and about what your mother-in-law, husband and you went through! That is truly horrible, and exactly why I'm so vehement about this. Fortunately, besides my husband (who plans to go first!) I only have one child who will have to deal with any problems I go through, and he agrees with me that it should be and IS my choice. (I've warned him that if he doesn't respect that, I will come back and haunt him.) He's also been through paramedic training, so he understands more than many people about what actually happens when people are resuscitated. And both Martin and I do have our advanced health care directives.
I will definitely check out that BBC program, thanks for mentioning it! I hope other people read your comment and do so as well.
I am so sorry that you are having a meltdown. I hope your resignation went as you planned, and that you are seeing some light at the end of whatever tunnel you are in right now. Feel free to e-mail me privately if you ever feel like doing so, I'd love to hear from you! Extra hugs to you, and you take care as well...
Done! They were actually very nice and sat me down to make sure I wasn't just having an emotional breakdown but had thought out what I was doing. My Chief Exec actually said that people hear a great deal about those who care for children, but those who care for adults often get forgotten about. I have been told that if an appropriate position came up in future they'd want me to consider applying.
DeleteI have such an overwhelming sense of relief. I am lucky enough to have some financial security behind me, my Dad rather unexpectedly left me enough money to take a risk. I am normally the most risk averse person I know so this is a bit of a leap into the dark for me, but I had to do it. What did me by surprise is that 2 of my colleagues got rather upset (and not those I'd have expected), bless them.
I hope you can find the documentary, it's worth a watch.
Oh, I'm SO glad it went so well! And you have a door open should you wish to return; that's always a good thing even if you don't use it. You are lucky, indeed, and I hope the risk will be well worth it to you!
DeleteFor the most part, I agree that compassionate euthanasia should be both legal and acceptable. A person, who while still capable of making rational decisions, should be able to put in writing how they wish for end of life decisions to be handled as they approach death's door. This requires a certain amount of trust however, which includes trust in the integrity of family members with whom this great responsibility is placed as well as that of the doctors and hospital staff. While there does come a time, as in the case of your grandmother, when a person has had enough suffering and is ready to die, there are also those unscrupulous family members and/or greedy medical establishments, that would either pull the plug prematurely in order to receive family inheritances or keep a person alive way too long in order to improve business.
ReplyDeleteSo, when a person is suffering and ready to go, why should their suffering be prolonged? It does sometimes seem inhumane to continue their agony.
Very good points, trust that one's wishes will be carried out is absolutely essential! Our family is lucky in that we don't have (as far as I know) anyone who is so greedy that they don't feel they can wait for their inheritances... most of them are too lazy to even bother checking on other relatives! But I know too many people burdened with selfish, greedy relatives who are all too eager to put their parents in homes and get Power of Attorney so they can take it all. It's just sickening and sad. And that's probably one of the reasons that we don't have this legal option right now.
DeleteI think people should be able to choose death with dignity.
ReplyDeleteExactly my point. Thank you for commenting! :-)
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