Have you ever felt like a ghost? Like you were there but not there, sort of "out of phase" with everyone around you? That's what I feel like today. Whether I'm sitting at my desk or walking down the hall or stairs here at work, I have the sense that no one else really sees me, and that they would just walk right through me if they got close enough. Even when someone talks to me, I have the sense that as soon as we stop speaking I'm not really quite visible to them anymore.
It's a very odd feeling to have.
Okay... quick test: Grab a mirror. Breathe on it. Does it fog the mirror? If not, well, you may have been on to something with the whole feeling like a ghost thing :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just tried it, and... I'm real. Thank goodness, I was really starting to wonder there. Creepy surreal feeling, I hope it goes away soon!
DeleteI know the feeling. Recently I went to a show (local bands playing) and I would walk up to socialize and people would just stop talking and walk away or never respond to me talking. As if I was not there at all. I blame lady hormones. Or just being female. Stupid hormones.
ReplyDeleteI've had that happen, too, it's a very weird feeling. I don't know if it's hormones, though, feels more like stupid other people to me!
DeleteI feel like that a lot, especially around other women. Like I'm not quite interesting or important enough or something. Maybe that's why I talk to myself. I'm always interested in what I have to say. LOL
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, both American and European societies have a habit of pitting women against each other, have you noticed that? I have NO idea why, unless perhaps the idea of "divide and conquer" got spread by men to keep women 'in their place'. Anyway, I'M always interested in what you have to say, so speak up anytime! :-)
DeleteHmm... I just tried to comment a moment ago and when I hit "publish" the comment simply vanished, which considering the subject of your post, is kind of eerie.
ReplyDeleteOkay, that's definitely creepy!!
DeleteI do have this feeling occasionally, and like Insomniac's Attic, it does tend to be around other women. Like her, I find talking to myself to be the best option - if you're a ghost, they can't hear you anyway right? So chat away to your fascinating self ;)
ReplyDeleteSee my reply to The Insomniac's comment. Also, if you've ever read "Gone with the Wind", you might remember that in the Old South it was considered beneath the notice of white people to listen to what slaves said when they were talking to themselves. The character Mammy did a LOT of talking to herself out loud when her masters could hear her, so she did a great job of getting her opinions across, but no one could tell her off because they weren't supposed to be paying attention to a slave. I always liked Mammy... ;-)
DeleteExcellent point! I always liked Mammy too - Hattie McDaniel did a marvellous job of bringing her to life in the film :)
DeleteOh, yes, she was AWESOME in that role! I think she was my favorite character in the film as well as in the book. :-)
DeleteWhile I can't say that I've ever felt like a ghost, I do wonder if people will imagine seeing me, the cemetery caretaker in black and always wearing a hat, after I'm gone. Too bad I'll probably never know.
ReplyDeleteI think that would be totally awesome. :-)
DeleteThat was the reality for me at work for a long time, and it was even more obvious after I was sick for a while. But one day the secretary forced me down to the cafeteria for a morning coffe break and I wasn't invisible since then. Thanks for her it was easier to get to work. I think it's horrible behaviour to shut one out of the group unless they want it. Just a hi and offering you a cup of coffe or tea would be decent.
ReplyDeleteWe are around 200 people at work and I always say hi to those I meet . Just common good behaviour. Is there a bad attitude at your work, dear?
To some extent, yes, the attitude isn't the best. Most of the people I work with directly are great, thank goodness, but some who work outside the Financial Aid Office (my department) are extremely standoffish and ignore anyone who might not be able to help them get higher on the corporate ladder. And some people actually ignore anyone who isn't from the same ethnic background they are, which has always seemed rather silly to me, but that's THEIR problem, not mine. I probably don't want to talk to them anyway if they feel that way! ;-)
DeleteI'm rather blessed to work with a group of very nice women. It's the men who act like a bunch of barracudas!
ReplyDeleteYour original point - in the first couple of weeks after my dad died I just...drifted. People also seemed not to see me. I fell asleep in an armchair in Starbucks, and no one noticed. I sat on buses for hours, just riding round and walling myself off.
Tonight I'm putting myself on a stage in a public building to read a story I've written which is quite personal to me. Putting myself out like this, becoming emotionally vulnerable, is terrifying. I'm making myself do it, but I'm not sure I'll do it again. Being visible is quite against my norm...!
Good luck to you with your public reading!! I've done a lot of public speaking over the years, but it was mostly in church so I knew everyone there, by sight if not personally. I'm not sure I could put myself in that position with a personal story!
DeleteI could understand myself doing this "ghosting" if I was actually in mourning, as you were, but I'm really not. I would be if it had been my mom that died, but Grandma and I just weren't that close. Thanks for sharing that, I don't think I would have made that connection.
It was awesome! So glad I did it. Ended up talking to some amazing female authors who were all so encouraging, and I did think my mum was going to burst with pride. It's been video'd, so if it goes online I'll post it up on my blog. Mind I did get the giggles slightly and failed to sell myself to a publisher rather epically. Trying to explain the novel you are currently writing is about a teenage girl with a vengeance and a poison diary tends to do that!
DeleteThat's great!! Not the last bit about the publisher, of course... But I don't see why a publisher wouldn't be interested in it, they publish ALL sorts of drivel with much less interesting plots every day!! Although I guess it's easier if you can give them some of it to read instead of just trying to describe it. Well done! :-)
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