How Black is Your Sole? Shoes for the Gothic Foot

I'm baaaaack!  Sorry for the April absence, but I just was not in a blogging mood.  Maybe it was because I turned 55, and almost no one sent me a card; then I realized that it was probably because most of my family members who used to send them are gone now.  My son and his girlfriend and my nephew did come and spend time with us, but even that was rather blah, for some reason.  They told me they had ordered a gift but it hadn't arrived yet, which was okay, I don't have a problem with that.  However, as of today I still don't have it, and have received no word that it has ever arrived.  Hmmmm...

Anyway, enough of that dreariness!!  Get back, E.A. Poe, no depressing stories from YOU today!  Today's post is about a great e-mail I received from a goth friend, Stella, who has kindly given me permission to share it with you, on the subject of goth shoes:

"I have issues finding shoes that are flat heeled, practical and gothy. Add in the problem of trying to keep  my feet dry (it's raining here alot) and I'm pretty frustrated. 

 

Bear in mind that because I've only been dressing "dark" for the last 2 - 3years,  and I tend to shop mainstream and charity shops, I don't have much experience with the old stand by "Doc Martin's ", and "New Rocks ".

 

What are your thoughts on the subject?  Do certain brands have a reputation for being more or less comfortable (for the elder goth market ). I'm fed up with mainstream style and shoddiness, and I'm wanting to invest in some high quality,  comfortable boots that are timeless (in a goth way)....and I would love to hear from someone else.  Thanks."

 

And here is my response:

 

"I love shoes, especially goth shoes!  I have been lucky three times with buying shoes online, but after that... phffffttt!!  I really don't recommend buying online shoes unless your feet are exactly a standard size, since you can't actually try them on and find out if they fit.  The three pairs I was lucky with are all somewhat extreme in style.  Two are a bit large for my feet (I wear size 8.5 and they are size 9), but I am able to make the boots (Anarchic by T.U.K.) work by using thick socks.  I believe the 4-inch platform creepers are Demonia.  The heeled lace-up shoes were harder as my feet would slide in them, so I had to buy inserts to put inside them to keep my feet in place; it worked, but they were never totally comfortable even then.  I did buy an adorable new pair of T.U.K. shoes with kitten heels online that were supposedly my size, but I finally gave up trying to make them comfortable enough to wear and got rid of them.  No more online shoe buys for me!

I've never had a pair of Doc Martens or New Rocks, so I can't comment on those, except that the ones I've seen in ads were rather expensive.  However, I've gotten a couple of pairs from my favorite thrift store (charity shop) that are soooo comfortable I may be buried in one of them!  But both have rather high heels and thick soles, so I can't drive in them.  The shorter of the two pairs is Kenneth Cole's "Reaction" -- very comfortable, but probably very expensive when new.  The taller pair is a brand called Glaze; I don't know anything about them, but they are made in China, so probably not very expensive.

Honestly, the best shoes I've found that are, in your words, "flat heeled, practical and gothy" were from Kohl's, a very mainstream department store.  They are actually boots, but they totally fit your three requirements, they are extremely comfortable, AND they keep my feet dry in the rain.  I just had the soles replaced, and told my shoe repair guy that I will keep bringing them in for repairs until they fall apart in his hands! 

Another store that I've been lucky at is Payless Shoe Source; unfortunately, they've closed a LOT of stores lately, and their styles change frequently, so you can't depend on them always having the 'right' ones."

 

Okay, readers, what advice can you give us??  What gothy shoes can you recommend, especially if you are an Eldergoth, or on your way to being one?  Our feet are in desperate need of your wisdom...

 

 

 

That Which Does Not Kill Me...

No, I haven't died.  Just in case you were wondering.

The world is a strange and confusing place, and I seem to be floating back and forth between 'strange' and 'confusing'.

       

                                              (Mike Twohy)

I've often read/heard this quote by Nietzsche, and it annoys me every time.  However, right now I'm hoping it's true, because otherwise I'm going crazy instead of getting stronger.

I was really hoping that 2017 would be a better year than the previous three, and it still might turn out that way.  So far, though, it hasn't had much to commend it.  Both our rent and my student loan payments are going up in April; not through the roof, but enough to make things difficult.  There was a fire in our apartment complex a few weeks ago. While our apartment wasn't damaged, it was a really scary experience.  My in-laws in Florida are having serious health issues, and we are worried about them but can't do much from California.  We had to put our oldest cat to sleep (her "In Memorium" is the post before this one).  And ALL of this stuff happened in March!  It feels like the Garbage Truck of Life is dumping on my house... again.  I really wish it would lose my address.

Fortunately, better things are also in the works for us.  We are getting ready to start house hunting, and we are going through a national non-profit organization called NACA (Neighborhood Assistance Corporation of America), which will allow us to avoid having to come up with a down payment and closing costs.  I've only got three more museum classes to take before getting my certificate (the next one starts in April).  I'm working on a new horror short story.  And I just colored my hair a pastel smokey sapphire blue!  The color looks pretty good, although I didn't quite do it right so some of the hair underneath in back didn't get colored at all.  But, hey, I can always buy another box!  :-) 

At this point in time, I'm sort of content just to float along and see what happens next.  I don't really feel like doing anything, as in being proactive about the future, other than the house hunting.  And even that is really something I need to do because the extra rent will be an extra hardship, especially since the new owners are grousing about us having pets.  The past couple of years have really tired me out, and I need some downtime.  So right now, I'm going to sit here in my office, listening to the German Gothic band Faun's Totem album and smelling the freshly opened daffodils I bought at Trader Joe's, and just BE.  

And if any of you would like the Garbage Truck of Life to visit your house, just send me your address, and I'll be glad to send It along. 

In Memorium: Scathach/Pachamama, 2001?-2017

She was a beautiful tortoiseshell cat, originally known as 'Spitter', mainly because she would hiss and spit at everyone, especially her former human.  When we met her in 2004, she had been living on her own on our apartment complex property for about two years.  She had had at least three litters that we knew of; we had one of the kittens from the first one.  That summer we noticed her taking her three kittens to drink at the pool, which is next to our living room window.  We started bringing them water so they wouldn't drink out of the pool, but of course, that turned into bringing them daily food as well.  She never meowed at us; instead, she hissed.  We soon learned to translate these fairly well:

"Hiss." (Oh, it's you.)

"Hiss!" (We're hungry, feed us!)

"Hiss! Hiss!"  (You're late, where's our food?)

"Hiss?"  (More, please?)

"HISSSS!!"  (Don't try to pet me, you idiot, I'll rip your arm off!!)

We named her Scathach, after the Scottish warrior woman who trained many of the great warriors of Celtic mythology.  It seemed fitting, as her weaponry was rather formidable, considering she weighed only around six pounds.  However, she never once actually scratched or bit either of us, although once she did warn Martin off with a hiss-and-swat when he tried to pet her.  He got off VERY lightly, with only two tiny pinholes from one claw instead of a shredded arm.

While she still had this litter with her, she got pregnant again.  The five kittens (four black females and an orange/white male) were born just over the fence from our bedroom.  Three weeks later, when construction work was threatening the tree she had sheltered them under, we brought them in and set up a nursery in our master bathtub.  (Thank goodness we have two bathrooms!) Scathach willingly followed, and graciously allowed us to stay while she raised her babies.

Well, we found homes for two of those kittens, but Scathach and the other three stayed with us, along with the older two that were still with her and the one we already had.  (The new orange and white kitten was Chango, whose 'In Memorium' is posted here.)  It didn't take long until she stopped spitting.  The day she climbed into my lap, settled down, and started purring, I held my breath in disbelief, afraid if I moved she would hiss and run.  But she didn't.  After watching her continue to nurse her last litter for months, even after being spayed, we changed her name to Pachamama (or Mama, for short), after the Inca fertility/earth goddess.  Over the years, she has never stopped being "Mom" to them, running to see what was going on every time she heard one of them cry, growl or hiss.  Since Gandalf took over as king of our 'herd', she has also been affectionately referred to as the "Queen Mum". 

Then, this last Sunday morning (the day after the one-year anniversary of my mom's interment), Mama came up to me crying; she couldn't close her mouth and was drooling all over herself.  We rushed her to the vet and he found a HUGE tumor in her upper jaw, wrapped around an infected tooth.  We all felt she probably wouldn't survive surgery, so we let her go while we were there.  I am honestly surprised she lived this long; we think she was around 16 or 17, and  was down to 4 pounds, all bones, organs and skin.  She has been 'forgetting' to use the litter box for the last 4-5 months and was pooing on the carpet frequently unless we led her to the box.  Unlike the other cats we've lost, we didn't think she would want to be buried up on the hill in the local regional park (our private 'pet cemetery'), so we put her in the back yard where she can watch over the place she lived all her life.  It feels really weird not having her here, but once we knew she was suffering there was no question about the right thing to do.  

Rest in peace, Mama.  May your children who have gone before you greet you with love.  And may Bast and Sekhmet welcome you with honor to the Field of Reeds!

March 2017: I'm SO Goth..."

Once again, Morticia Addams says it all in her own unique way:




I LOVE THIS WOMAN!!  Why can't more people be like her??

February 2017: "I'm SO Goth..."

Okay, this definitely looks like an assignment from Snapes' "Defense Against the Dark Arts" class, and I think they all just failed...  or maybe they passed???

  

January 2017: "I'm SO Goth..."

Welcome to 2017!!  Just don't be so excited about starting the new year that THIS happens...

What Happens After We Die?

It's been a rough year.  I've been thinking quite a bit about death, and what happens after we die.  Obviously, it's of great interest to me, since so many people and pets I know and love are dead now, and others are old enough that I know it's only a matter of time.  I've tried various spiritual paths in an attempt to find beliefs that make sense to me, but so far nothing has permanently 'clicked' in terms of being just right.  I think the real problem is that NO ONE knows for sure what happens to us and where we go (if anywhere) when our bodies die.  And that is what I want to know.

I once went on a shamanic journey to meet Death.  I found what I was looking for, and I will never be foolish enough to try that a second time.  However, even that experience didn't answer the question of what happens to us after we die. Death is not a static thing or even a state of being, but rather an event that transitions us from being alive here on Earth to... being something and/or someplace else.  Or perhaps not.

I do believe that there is something beyond this life other than oblivion; there are too many people who have had near-death experiences who have shared them to make me believe otherwise.  And while I am okay with not knowing all the details, I have to admit I would love to find out more about what is or is not on "the Other Side".  Hey, I'm only human!  ;-)

One of the reasons I no longer follow any of the current spiritual paths (other than occasional forays into the shamanic one) is because I have found too many contradictions within them, and too many things that don't add up when looked at as a whole.  For instance, I was raised LDS (Mormon), and one of the beliefs of that church is that those who attain the highest glories of heaven (the Celestial Kingdom) but who were not sealed to their spouse in an LDS temple will be 'servants' to those who are sealed to their spouses.  This makes NO sense to me, and never did.  Why would a loving and compassionate god force people who had obeyed his commandments, but for whatever reason were not married to another Mormon in a Mormon temple (like maybe they joined the church after marriage but their spouse didn't join), to spend eternity waiting on people who were lucky enough to have what they didn't?  That would be HELL, plain and simple!  If there really was  a "one true God" who knows and sees everything, I don't believe He/She would be that mean or petty.  Same with babies and small children going to somewhere 'lower' than Heaven just because they died before being baptized into a church, although this aspect seems to have been dropped by most religions now.  (This also has me wondering who made that decision -- God, or someone else?)

I followed the Wiccan path for many years, but eventually realized that Wiccans don't really know any more than the Mormons do about what happens after death, they're just much more flexible about the possibilities.  I studied the shamanic path for awhile as well, but then decided to take a break from all spiritual and religious exploration and give myself room to just breathe and think about it all.  That is where I am at this point in time.

So I'm open to any and all thoughts, beliefs, hopes and speculations about this subject.  What do YOU think/believe/hope happens after we die?  Where (if anywhere) do we go, and what (if anything) do we do?  This inquiring mind would really like to know...

It's the End of the World as I Knew It... and I DON'T Feel Fine

Once upon another lifetime (March 2013), I started this blog.  Now that I think of it, it really WAS another lifetime, before any of the crazy stuff with my mom and grandmother began.  I'm definitely not the same person now that I was back then.  Are you?  Probably not, no matter what has or hasn't been going on in your life.

2016 has been a year of way too many endings and beginnings, at least for me: losing my mother, losing a beloved cat, buying a car, starting my online museum certificate program, finding out that we will probably have to move soon as our apartment complex is being sold to people who want to renovate it and raise the rents through the roof, and now that travesty of a presidential election.  Even though two of those events are good things, it's still too much change all at once, especially after the previous two years of mostly loss.  It's enough to want to make one want to just give up and crawl in a hole for at least the next four years, when hopefully all those nasty problems will have gone away.

Except they won't have, of course.  That's the problem with cowering in a corner, in a hole, or under the desk.  Those nasty problems just wait quietly until you poke your head out to see if they are gone, and then POW... right between the eyes.

But we can we do?  We're just average people, right?  Wrong; we're GOTHS, and if we were average, we wouldn't be wearing killer boots and lots of black, wandering around in cemeteries, and listening to The Sisters of Mercy, London After Midnight, and Siouxsie Sioux.  Some of us have had to deal with hate and prejudice more than others, but at some point ALL of us have felt (and may still feel) that we were 'different' from the sheep in the local flock.  We have all worked for, and earned, the right to think outside the box.

Unfortunately, the election seems to have given some people the idea that it's now okay to voice hatred to anyone they don't like or who is different from them, and to promote physical and verbal violence even more than usual.  We don't need this, and we definitely don't need the US government to support it!  

If ever there was a time for Goths to show solidarity and support for what we believe in, 

THIS IS IT.

While I'm trying to think outside that box and find a constructive and useful way to confront these problems, I've been signing every petition to support ballot recounts, disband the Electoral College, defend Standing Rock, and stop the new government from messing with Medicare that I've been able to click a mouse on.  I've sent money to some of them, too, which I never used to do.  I'm THAT worried...  But we can all do more, and I'd like to, if I could figure out what needs to be done.  Share your thoughts and ideas here, please!!  

And if anyone reading this actually voted for Chump and thinks he will be just what this country needs to become 'great' again, I give you this quote from British author Evelyn Beatrice Hall:

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

May we never lose that right, especially by our own hands.

December: "I'm SO Goth..."

Have yourselves a wonderfully Gothy Holiday!!

  

(If I can find this card for sale, I'm definitely buying it in bulk! In the meantime, you can find more of Aly Fell's work here.)

November: "I'm SO Goth..."

  


And who's gonna argue with HIM??? 

Calling Andrew Eldritch...

... and calling all goths!!  If you haven't read Sylvie D.'s blog post in Little Corp Goth Girl, you need to read it right away.  

It seems that Andrew Eldritch said in an interview that if Chump became president, he would put out another Sisters of Mercy album, presumably as a protest.  So Sylvie has created a petition to send to Mr. Eldritch (the link is in her post) calling for the album to be made, but she needs 100 signatures. 

I am Number 5!  What number will you be???

Hallowe'en Cake Walk

This is, I believe, what you would call a 'filler' post; something you do when you don't have anything to say, but want to say SOMETHING.  And this is really a fun link, given to me by a friend, so perhaps it's more of a 'dessert' post than just filler.  :-)

Hallowe'en Cakes

Hope you enjoy them! 

October: "I'm SO Goth..."

I'm So Goth that...

 

Why knowing the reasons doesn’t always make everything okay

After reading several friends’ posts, and watching/reading about current events in the world, I’ve been thinking a lot about certain phrases that many people tend to use when others discuss their problems or talk about a current crisis.  And I’ve decided that, in my opinion, the absolute worst one of these is: “Everything happens for a reason”, sometimes accompanied by “we just don’t know what it is”.  The direct implication behind this statement is that what happened wasn’t some random chance of fate or the result of hatred of the person(s) by the gods.  Okay, nothing wrong with that; it frequently IS comforting to be told that we’re not so insignificant that the universe doesn’t notice or care what happens to us.  However, the indirect implication is that, if we knew/understood the reason for something terrible happening, it wouldn’t be so terrible.  And those who tack on a further comment about karma or how “what goes around comes around” are also implying that at least some fault may lie with the victim(s).

Is it true that everything happens for a reason?  YES, absolutely!  Everything does happen for at least one reason, perhaps more than one. But that doesn't necessarily mean that the people it happens to did something to deserve it.  For example, the earthquake in Japan in 2011 happened because the several continental and oceanic plates that Japan sits on shifted.  The accompanying tsunami happened because the movements of that earthquake caused a specific type of movement of the water.  Their nuclear plants then had problems because the built-in protections that had held up against the earthquake weren’t strong enough to hold up against the tsunami as well.  These things each happened for one or more reasons, and we know what those reasons were. 

But please tell me, how exactly did knowing the reasons make things any less terrible for the Japanese?  Their homes were still damaged or destroyed, their friends and family members were still dead or missing, their communities were still demolished, their jobs were still gone or in jeopardy, their financial situations were still precarious, and they were still desperate for shelter, water and food.  How is it that knowing why these disasters happened is supposed to make it somehow less difficult to bear?  And while some of the fault, at least with regard to the nuclear plants, MAY have been the result of poor planning/ignorance/whatever on the part of various organizations, why should thousands of people who had nothing to do with that feel better knowing they are suffering for someone else's bad karma points?

I hope someone explained it to them so that they felt better about the whole thing.  

There are people who spout out the same useless and unfeeling platitudes when someone they know tells them they have cancer, or an inoperable tumor, or Parkinson's disease, or some other life-altering thing that can't be fixed.  Maybe they don't know what else to say, or maybe they truly believe it themselves.  But somehow, I don't think it would comfort them much if it was said to them in their time of need. 

PLEASE think twice before telling someone that their suffering is happening for a reason, and that they just don't know what it is.  It's not only condescending, it's judgmental and cruel, even if you don’t mean it that way.  Instead, try a nod and sympathetic silence, or maybe (even better) “I’m so sorry this is happening”, and give them a gentle hand squeeze or a hug.  Chances are you'll make their burden a little easier to deal with, knowing they are not alone, and that someone really cares.

September: "I'm SO Goth..."

I'm so Goth wedding dresses turn black in my presence...

Book Review: "9 Realities of Caring for an Elderly Parent"

Way back in January 2014, the day after my mom went to the hospital for emergency heart surgery, I attended a talk given by a woman who had gone through pretty much what I was about to go through, and who had written a book about her experience.  The book is "9 Realities of Caring for an Elderly Parent", and the author, Stefania Shaffer, was touring to promote it, and was invited to speak at our university.  I almost didn't go, because I was afraid the hospital might call while I was at the talk; it turned out to be one of the best things I could have done.  Not only was I inspired by what she had to say at a time when I really needed it, but I bought her book and read it while dealing with caring for my mother and grandmother.

During those two years when I was shuttling back and forth between home and my mom's house (or the nursing center), I  sometimes felt VERY much alone.  Although my friends and family were verbally supportive, I had very little help with anything that actually needed doing, not because nobody wanted to help, but because most of the time no one else was in a position to.  Unfortunately, this happens to many people who find themselves suddenly having to care for elderly parents alone, when other family members are either unable or unwilling to pitch in.  "9 Realities" became part of my support group, because I was able to compare what she had to deal with against my own situation.  I sent copies to a few friends to help them cope as well.  When my mom died, I read the section on grieving more than once, to remind myself that I still wasn't alone. 

"The Companion Playbook" came out just this year, and I was privileged to receive one as a gift from Stefania.  I sure wish I'd had it while my mother and grandmother were alive, I could really have used it as well!  It not only has the really important points from the book reiterated in "nutshell" format, but it has charts and checklists for each point that can be used as written or adapted to your individual situation.  The Playbook can serve as a stand-alone guide without the original book, if you really don't have the time to read that as well. 

Stefania's book is an incredible story of love and forgiveness, and I highly recommend both it and its companion workbook to anyone who has aging parents, even if they are still active and in good health.   You can order both books at Stefania's website:  http://stefaniashaffer.com/

                  

"The Grim Rabbit"

This cartoon is totally hilarious, not to mention silly!!  I was thinking of saving it for next month's "I'm SO Goth...", but decided I couldn't wait that long.  Enjoy!


The Grim Rabbit


  

Now, wasn't that fun?  I'm sure that for the next few months I won't be able to see a car wash without laughing!

August: "I'm SO Goth..."

THIS.

Extension 666: On Hold in Hell for Eternity

The Bastard Operator from Hell has finally been located...

Extension 666: On Hold in Hell for Eternity

This has GOT to be one of the craziest (and best) ideas I've ever heard for dealing with annoying phone callers.  I'd love to be able to do something like this to salespeople and "survey" people who call us at night and on weekends, except that I'd want the script to be much weirder, and with the most horrible music I can find -- you know, like the elevator version of "Greatest Hits of the Dentist's Office" played by a group of tone deaf cellists and trumpet players.  And, now that I think of it, I have both a son and a nephew who could probably set it up for us!  Hmmmmm...

I hope you enjoyed the wait!  (And is this totally goth, or what???)

July: "I'm SO Goth..."

I must establish this practice at my house soon...