Wednesday, January 27, 2016

In Memorium: Shirley Lee (Simpson) Myers, 1935-2016

On Tuesday, January 19, 2016, my mom finally got her wish, and passed away peacefully in her sleep, almost two years from the day she had her heart surgery.  But her heart didn't give out on her; instead, she made an informed decision.

It was a long and difficult two years.  Changing roles, where I became the one in charge of a good portion of her life, was probably the hardest thing for us both.  But our personal bonds became stronger and closer than they have ever been, as we became true friends and equals as well as mother and daughter.  She had to let go of so much, but she was able to do so only because she trusted me to take up the reins.  I promised her once while helping her up the stairs of her house that I would never let her fall.  That became a reality, not just physically but emotionally and financially as well.

When she made the decision to give up her rental home and stay at Meadowood permanently, it was because we both knew she could no longer live alone.  When she made the decision to stop going to dialysis in early December, we both knew that it was a final choice. It was really hard watching her get weaker and less coherent, but it was part of the process.  She always knew who I was, though, and she looked forward to my daily calls, even though I occasionally had to remind her who she was talking to.

The last two weeks she was unable to pick up the phone, and also lost the ability to speak, but I still called every day, and if a nurse or aide was with her they would answer and hold the receiver to her ear so I could talk to her.  If no one answered, I mentally held her hand and told her I loved her while the phone was ringing, since they said she always turned her head toward the phone when she heard it.

I will miss her horribly!  But I am SO grateful that she is at peace now and free from a body that was no longer working well and a life she was tired of living because she could no longer do any of the things she loved.  I hope my great-grandparents and my "fairy godfather" were there to greet her and show her around.  I hope that she and her younger brother and sister who died years ago are catching up on each others' 'lives'.  I hope that she and her own parents have made peace with each other.  And I hope that she and my dad have also met up and are friends again. 


                                     "In my End is my Beginning."  (Mary Queen of Scots)

24 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful tribute to your mother, Lucretia. I too hope she was greeted by all those who have gone before and made her peace with them. Much love to you.

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  2. I'm very sorry for your loss *hugs*

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  3. Very sorry for your loss. I know you loved your Mother dearly and you are an amazing daughter. <3

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    1. Thank you, that's so sweet! ::hugs::

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  4. I could feel the love for you mother in every one of your words.

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    1. Thank you, I'm glad! That helps. :-)

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  5. My dear friend, I am deeply sorry for you loss. We've talked about this before via letters, but if you want to chat via phone or Skype please let me know. I'm hear for you. Sending you all my love.

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    1. Here ... but hear, too. As in hearing you.

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    2. Thank you! I will definitely remember that. As we both know, I'm not out of the woods yet; the grieving has just begun. ::hugs::

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  6. Very well written, Lucretia. I'm sure she understood that you were there for her right to the end. Ending her dialysis was a brave decision on her part and you were right to support her decision.

    I'm very sorry for your loss, Lucretia.

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    1. Thank you, I think she did, too. It must have been scary for her, and I wish she had lived closer, but that was also her choice.

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  7. That was beautifully written. I imagine she is telling everyone about her wonderful daughter.

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    1. Thank you! I wanted to write something special for her, because she WAS special, even though she never believed that.

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  8. Dear Lucretia. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm glad that you both grew stronger bonds and parted with love, I know it makes the pain worse. Beautifully written words about meeting her relatives. She maybe will be able to watch over you in a spiritual way soon.

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    1. Thank you! Honestly, the pain is in some ways less for me knowing that we got so close. I feel like I DID make up for all the time we didn't see each other due to distance, and for all the stupid misunderstandings that happen between people who love each other but don't always understand each other very well. That makes a HUGE difference to me.

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  9. Beautifully put.

    You know where I am. Jx

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  10. I am sorry for your loss but I think it is a good thing she was able to make the decision. Sending love and comfort, if I can. I am not religious but I definitely believe in some kind of peaceful afterlife where we are reunited with loved ones!

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    1. Thank you so much. And I also believe there is SOMETHING after we die, although I have no clue as to what that might be. But I figure it will be the next big adventure, whatever it is!

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