Silly Post: If Vampires Ruled the World (or Why We Need More Dark Shadows)

This morphed from a rather silly post I began while feeling crabby into something a bit more philosophical (yet campy) than I had expected.

When I was in the second grade, my mom was working full-time, so I had to go to what's now called daycare after school.  The lady I stayed with was older (she had two adult children who no longer lived at home), her husband was at work all day, and I was the only child she looked after, so it was just me, Mrs. Gilbert, and her whippet, Rainey.  Mrs. Gilbert enjoyed watching soap operas, so of course I watched them, too, and one of the ones that was on when I got there after school was Dark Shadows. 

Now, if you've ever seen the original series, you know that it was NOT a child-friendly show.  In fact, while it was probably rather cheesy for many adults, it was pretty scary for a six-year-old with a very active imagination.  But at the same time, it totally fascinated me, so much so that it was the only show I bought bubblegum cards for (until Star Wars, of course).  Yes, they actually had bubblegum cards for a spooky soap opera!  I didn't even like bubblegum; I threw the gum away or gave it to my friends, and kept the cards.

Dark Shadows was the show that taught me all about vampires, werewolves, ghosts and zombies, and what to do if you were menaced by them (who needs The Discovery Channel when you've got THIS??).  And the vampire, Barnabas Collins (see below), became basically the hero of the story once he appeared in it, a vampire with a heart, not to mention fangs.  I had the great fortune to discover that most of the original episodes are on YouTube, so now I'm watching one every day at work (I'm up to Episode 89), and loving every terribly cheesy minute!

 

Now for the silly part of this post...

If Vampires Ruled the World:

1. There would be no more daytrading.  (Sorry, I just had to say that.)

2. We humans wouldn't want any more hierarchies, because the higher up you are on the totem pole, the more likely you are to be bitten next.

3. We wouldn't want to let the sun go down on our anger, as we might not get another chance to say we're sorry before it rose again.

4. No one would agree to stay in a dead-end job, because it COULD be forever (not to mention the "dead" part).

5. We'd realize how silly stroking one's ego really is; prey doesn't have an ego.

6. Makeup and mirror companies would probably go out of business (because one can't put makeup on without a mirror, and what vampire would want one of those around?).


And finally, click here for the shortest, funniest "horror" movie I've ever seen...  ;-)